Impatient Memory
by Victoria Seneca
Summary: Can Charity catch lightning in a bottle twice?
1. Stilton and Smoked Cheddar

Chapter 1: Stilton and Smoked Cheddar

"Ought to be crossed out, were it not wicked to erase; for the real author is not I, but my impatient memory." - Nabokov

The second sip from her pint had barely crossed Vanessa's lips when the call came in from Paddy. Sounding somewhere between frantic and hysterical, Paddy gibbered out his usual word salad making little sense.

"Take a deep breath Paddy 'cause you're babbling. Where are you?"

Slightly more oxygenated and a smidge less stuttery, Paddy conveyed that he was at Shadwell's Stud Farm. He informed Vanessa that a fire that started in the tractor shed was in danger of jumping to the stable housing a dozen horses including a prize stallion and Paddy needed help moving them to safety.

Charity reappeared from the backroom confused to find Vanessa putting on her jacket.

"You've barely touched your pint babe. Train to catch?"

"I'm on my way to Whixley and I'll likely be late for tea. Paddy needs help on a callout at a stud farm."

Never one to pass up low hanging fruit, Charity feigned excitement. "Stud farm? Ooooh, can I come, I'm sure I'd enjoy the scenery."

Seeing her fiancée had gotten her giggles out, Vanessa shook her head and offered a dubious expression. "Really Charity?"

Grinning broadly Charity responded with a twinkle in her eye. "That one never gets old, does it babe?"

"Yeah, you're a regular Sarah Pascoe but, you might want to workshop some new material. Love you."

"Love you too."

When Vanessa arrived at Shadwell's, the fire had jumped from the tractor shed and into the feed room of the stable. Paddy was winded on account of all the running he'd been doing not to mention the smoky conditions.

"Ness, good news, bad news. I managed to unlock all the stalls and got most of the horses out but two of them are panicked and they won't budge."

"The smoke must have them spooked." The two vets stared at the stable as the fire began to make its way across the roofline. "We can't just let them burn alive Paddy, lets get in there and see if we can coax them out. I hear the sirens from fire and rescue but if they don't get here soon, that roof could collapse."

"Don't be mad Vanessa, we're vets, not members of the Fire Brigade. Besides, you know me and horses don't get along."

"Oh, Jesus Christ on a Bike, Paddy! They are terrified and just need someone to guide them out. Give me the blanket from your bag." Paddy unzipped the side compartment of his medical case and pulled out the blanket as Vanessa removed one from her own medical kit along with a handkerchief.

"What are you gonna do? You can't run into a burning building Ness. That's just stupid not to mention dumb and also, dangerous. **Very** dangerous," Paddy said drawing an imaginary double underline in the air for emphasis.

Ignoring him completely and taking her RCVS oath to ensure the health and welfare of animals committed to her care too seriously, Vanessa ran toward the stable. The main doors were located on the side of the building that was not yet fully engulfed in flames but the fire was spreading rapidly.

Just before she ran in, she dunked her handkerchief in the water trough just outside the stable and wrapped it around her nose and mouth. Running inside, she made her way to Stilton, a palomino mare furthest from the stable doors. She quickly wrapped the blankets over the horse's head and neck and covered the mare's eyes.

"C'mon pretty lady. Just follow me," she said with a gentle tug and Stilton quickly complied walking cautiously down the aisle past the mostly empty stalls. Just before the doors, Vanessa removed the blankets and with a slap of her hand, cajoled the animal to trot out of the stable and to safety.

Once she saw the mare was safe, she looked up to find the fire swiftly spreading across the loft area where the hay was stored. With each passing second, the structure of the building was becoming more unstable. Without wasting a beat of time, Vanessa made her way back to the third stall from the stable doors where she found Cheddar. She knew she had to exit quickly but she couldn't leave without the stallion. The horse was curling his upper lip and snorting clearly signaling he was frightened. She wrapped the blankets around Cheddar's eyes and as smoke began to envelop the stall, she used the calmest voice she could muster to coax him into walking out.

"C'mon big fella, you're doing great."

The smoke had rapidly become intense and overwhelming. Unable to take a full breath, Vanessa walked Cheddar far enough to see the open doors and fresh air that awaited outside, removed the blanket from Cheddar's eyes and gave a strong tap on his hindquarters. Cheddar ran for the door, and Vanessa followed but just before she reached the exit, a ridge beam that was supporting the rafters gave way. The beam knocked down a knee wall causing the knee wall, in turn, to fall toward the ground and strike Vanessa squarely on the back of her head. The force of the blow pushed Vanessa towards the doors such that part of her body lay on the ground just outside the barn. The air was thick with smoke as she lay there, unconscious, as the fire crept its way towards her.

Outside the stable, the relative calm of the farm was disrupted as the emergency crews arrived in force. Paddy ran to the firefighters and ambulance crew and advised them of Vanessa's whereabouts.

The emergency personnel rushed to the stable and found Vanessa's seemingly lifeless body strewn across the threshold. They pulled her out from the barn completely to the safety of the sand paddock just outside the stable. Paddy was in shock to see his friend and business partner looking so pallid and still. The ghostly color of her face was offset by the bright red blood dripping out the back of her head. He stood there in shock as the medics assessed her vitals. As they transferred her to a stretcher, he overheard them say something about smoke inhalation and unconsciousness with head trauma. Within minutes, they had Vanessa secured in the ambulance with a supplemental oxygen mask over her face. The doors slammed shut and the driver rushed the patient to the hospital.

Paddy, still in shock, knew he had to get to the hospital. He thought Vanessa shouldn't be alone. He dug into his jacket pocket, then his inside vest pocket and eventually found his mobile in his pants pocket and dialed Chas.

"Hiya Paddy. Fitting in with the other studs at the farm are ya?" she joked with a wink at Charity who was filling drink orders behind the bar as Chas cleared a table.

"Paddy? Hello?... Paddy, whoa whoa Paddy now slow down. What is it love?"

Charity looked up from the register and watched and listened to Chas's side of the conversation.

"She did what? Why?... Well why didn't you stop her Paddy? ….. Hurt how Paddy? ….. Oh my God… Alright, yeah I'll let her know. … yes Paddy, I'll let everyone know and we'll meet you at the hospital."

Chas hung up and turned around towards the bar where she found Charity had been listening intently. Chas's face revealed everything Charity needed to know but she asked anyway.

"What is it Chas? Is it Vanessa? Is she the one at the hospital?"

Chas swallowed hard before answering. "I don't really have any details. I just know that Vanessa ran into the stable that was on fire to save some horses."

"So the horses had to be taken to the animal hospital then? Right?" Charity said the words but she knew as she heard them coming out of her mouth that they weren't right; that this was not what had likely happened.

"No love. It's Vanessa, she is on her way to the hospital. I didn't get the whole story as Paddy was quite broken up but…part of the building might have collapsed on her. She's unconscious."

With those words, Charity's face went from one of fear and concern to utter terror and she ran from behind the bar towards the private quarters. Chas ran to catch up to Charity who was grabbing her car keys and wallet. She had just enough time to let Charity know that she would contact Tracy and Frank.

"Try to drive carefully," Chas begged as the door shut. "I'll call Bob to cover," she added for no one in particular.


	2. I Wanna Be Sedated

Chapter 2: I Wanna Be Sedated

Paddy was the first to arrive at the hospital and Charity arrived soon thereafter. Charity laid into Paddy for allowing Vanessa to risk her own life to save a few horses. His stammering responses about how he couldn't stop her fell on incredulous ears.

"Oh give over Paddy. You expect me to believe this puffy thing you call a body couldn't hold back my fiancée who doesn't crack eight stone even when she's dripping wet?"

"She is tiny yes, but fast. Maybe it's them red trainers she wears makes her like Sonic the Hedgehog," Paddy offered meekly.

Overwhelmed with anger, Charity closed the gap between she and Paddy until a few feet became mere inches. "Do you like the current position of your nose on your face Paddy because I can rearrange it for ya if you like."

Fortunately for Paddy, Chas showed up just in time to step in between the two having tracked down Tracy and Frank. Paddy explained that there was no news as yet.

Charity settled into her waiting room chair. "I hate hospitals and I spend way too much time in them." Chas rubbed her cousins back with a knowing nod as Charity continued.

"How do they manage to make it smell like disinfectant and rotting meat all at the same time?" The silence was deafening but to keep her mind from going to dark places, Charity continued on.

"They should make one of them safety scorecard signs for me, you know? _It's been 24 days since Charity last sat vigil at a hospital_. I'll be lucky to ever make it a whole month at this rate."

After what felt like hours, two doctors walked into the waiting area.

"Mr. Paddy Kirk?"

"Yes, I'm Paddy Kirk. Is there news about Vanessa? She's a partner in my veterinary practice and everyone else here is her family."

"I'm Dr. Dimov from Respiratory. We are giving Ms. Woodfield straight O2 to clear her lungs but based on initial scans, I'm optimistic she will be fine with respect to her pulmonary function."

"And I'm Dr. Cosgrove from neurology. I'm sending her for some tests and keeping her in a medically induced coma until her head swelling goes down."

This bit of information caused an audible chorus of gasps as Dr. Cosgrove continued to explain.

"With this type of severe brain injury, it is the best course of action."

"Severe? How severe?" questioned Frank.

"What we know right now is that she has a concussion and a depressed skull fracture. We still need to rule out any intracranial hematomas. So we are sending her for an MRI as well as an EEG."

Charity spoke on behalf of everyone. "My God, do you speak ANY English at all?"

Dr. Cosgrove's bedside manner was usually better with a second attempt.

"Ms. Woodfield took a large blow to the back of her head. It knocked her unconscious. Her brain is swelling but the skull is a closed space so the swelling has nowhere to go. Too much pressure can cut off critical functions. The anesthetics we are giving her will allow her brain to rest and not exert itself anymore than necessary and hopefully, the healing process can begin."

"And if you can't stop the swelling," Frank asked with concern.

"Let's stay positive, this treatment is usually effective."

"If you can't stop the swelling doctor, then what?" asked Charity in a tone that clearly indicated she needed a better answer.

"If we can't decrease the intracranial pressure, brain cells start to die. Cerebral edema due to traumatic brain injury can lead to complications that range from severe headaches and behavioral changes to slurred speech and difficulty walking or a vegetative state. It's far too early to guess and we'll know more once we've run the tests. In a few hours time, we'll know better what we're dealing with."

As with all medical prognostications, only the most grave possibilities were the ones everybody focused on. Tracy, Frank and Charity looked devastated and were left speechless. After a very long silence, Frank announced he was going to the canteen to get everyone some coffee while they wait for the test results.

Hours passed and Vanessa finally returned from her battery of tests and was given a room in the critical care unit. The nurses advised they were going to slowly reduce the propofol overnight but there was no chance of Vanessa regaining consciousness until the next day. The sun set and rose again as everyone continued to sit vigil shifting between Vanessa's bedside and the waiting area just outside her room. There was little talking. Just waiting. Waiting for a sign of alertness from Vanessa. Waiting for a doctor to give them an update on her condition. Tracy and Frank were asleep and Charity just sat, staring at her sleeping angel, stroking Vanessa's hand with her thumb.

"Ness, please open them baby blues. C'mon babe, I won't close mine until you open yours. How else am I ta calm my nightmares if I can't stare into your eyes?"

Just then there was a knock at the door. The neurologist was back and quietly announced she had the results back from all of the tests. Everyone sat up with a surge of adrenaline as Dr. Cosgrove spoke.

"I believe we have reason to be optimistic. The swelling has begun to resolve and the EEG shows normal brain activity." A chorus of "thank Gods" filled the room from believers and non-believers alike.

"We will continue to monitor her for another 48 hours at least. Meanwhile, we will continue to reduce her sedation. Hopefully, by this afternoon we can do some neuro-psychological testing and look for epileptic activity. At that point we can determine if there was any long-term damage but I'm comfortable advising you all to be optimistic. As bad as the head injury was, it looks like she got lucky."

Frank was the first to speak. "Thank God, she's gonna be OK," he says with great relief as he hugs Tracy and in turn, Tracy goes to hug Charity who looks relieved as a tear runs down her cheek.

The three lingered around Vanessa's room as they waited for her to awaken. Paddy and Chas had returned from a brief trip back to the pub and talked quietly with Charity inside the room. Frank and Tracy took in a change of scenery just outside as they chatted with and said farewell to Harriet who had stopped by to check in on Vanessa and was making the rounds to check in on other parishioners who were patients at the hospital.

Inside the room, Vanessa took a sudden and unexpected deep breath and Charity, Chas and Paddy immediately turned their attention to her. Paddy noted, "Her hand, look at her hand," and they watched Vanessa, eyes still closed, grasping at the blanket. She started to moan and turn her head ever so slightly.

"Ness, babe, can you hear me? FRANK! TRACY, come in she's waking up!"

The pair ran inside the room and Frank pushed past Charity as he stroked Vanessa's hair, Tracy on the other side of the bed started talking to her sister, telling her the family was here for her as Vanessa continued to stir and lick her lips. With her eyelids feeling as though they had the weight of one thousand elephants on them, she struggled to open them.

Charity was now at the foot of the bed, hands clasped together in front of her mouth, as if in prayer, the tips of her index fingers touching her nose. She repeated softly over and over, "thank you thank you thank you."

Finally, Vanessa was able to open her eyes and keep them open. She looked around the room by shifting her eyes as she hadn't the energy to turn her head. The first person she saw come into focus was Tracy. Vanessa could feel herself smile internally yet was supremely aware that she was so weak, she couldn't actually use the muscles that would make her smile. Her eyes shifted again to the other side of the bed where she saw Frank. She could tell she was in a hospital and she surmised that she must be the patient but she had no idea what circumstances landed her in that role. All she knew was she felt like she'd been hit by a truck, her head was throbbing as if an alien was about to crawl out of her brain and her mouth was as dry as the Sahara.

Her eyes shifted again and started to focus on a very shiny object. It was round, like the moon she thought. Eventually, Paddy came into focus. She saw there was a woman standing next to him. Brunette and tall. Vanessa's brain was working faster than her ability to speak as the sedatives continued to work their way out of her bloodstream. Vanessa thought to herself, the woman standing next to Paddy looks like that Lisa Rinna woman who sells those flowy tops on QVC. That woman that Paddy and Marlon dated, Lannie or Lindy or something. A few more blinks of her eyes revealed it wasn't Lindsey. LINDSEY! Yes, that was her name. But no, this woman was not Lindsey. Finally, Vanessa recognized the woman was Chas. Nice of her to be concerned and good to see her getting along with Paddy Vanessa supposed.

Vanessa couldn't recall ever being this thirsty or her mouth being this dry. She started to lick her lips and with every ounce of strength she had, managed to say in a hoarse voice, "wah-tuh, please, wah-tuh."

At this point, Charity sprang into action declaring, "Yes, yes you must be so thirsty. I'll just run and check with the nursing station that you can have something to drink and get it for you pronto babe." The endless hours of feeling desperate and utterly useless were finally broken and all Charity wanted to do was fulfill this one basic need for the woman who had provided her the most unrelenting and steadfast support in the face of one crisis after another. Her own little crisis junkie was thirsty and Charity would find a way to ring water out of a stone if she had to for her love.

Vanessa tried to focus in on the woman who sounded like Charity. She actually looked quite a bit like Charity too. A few more blinks of the eyes aught to bring her into full focus thought Vanessa.

Charity turned around in the threshold of the doorway before heading off to fulfill her mission. "Oh babe, thank God you're alright." The synapses that control Vanessa's facial muscles finally started to fire and her expression turned to one of confusion. It WAS Charity. What on Earth was Charity Dingle doing here?


	3. Head In The Cloud

Chapter 3: Head In The Cloud

Charity sprinted to the nurses station and made her list of demands.

"Hi, the vet who was brought into Room C6, Vanessa Woodfield, my fiancée, yeah, she just woke from her sedation and we'd like her neurologist to look her over. Now please! Also, she is asking for water. Can I bring her some?"

"I'll page her consultant. Best her doctor decides if she can have liquids so for now stick with ice chips. Ice machine is down at the opposite end of the corridor, you'll find water jugs next to the machine." Charity sets off down what must be the world's longest hospital corridor looking for the ice machine.

Meanwhile, Vanessa was coming round some more and gaining some strength to speak. She asked of the others, "What happened? Why am I here?"

Paddy began to explain about the call out to help with the rescue at Shadwell's, the spooked horses, and Vanessa's questionable decision to run into a burning building.

"You were a regular Penny Morris, you were, running into that stable. Well, with longer hair of course. Oh Ness, we're just so glad you're OK."

"My head really hurts and I feel like I've been run over by a stampede of wild rhinos."

Frank was marveling at his daughter and silently thanking God that she was alert and seemed able to speak clearly. Tracy said she was going to see where Charity went and find a doctor to check up on her sister.

"Tracy, wait. Why on Earth is Charity even here?"

"Why is she here?" Tracy repeated Vanessa's question with a smile. "Where else would she be V? She's been as worried as any of us. Hasn't left your side for a moment that one. She's a keeper."

"But why Trace? Do I owe her for a pint?"

Suddenly, the smiles that were on everyone's faces turned to frowns. Except for Paddy who started to giggle.

"Owe her for a pint? Well, I suppose you can't really put it past Charity to charge even her fiancée for a tipple."

"Fiancée?" inquired Vanessa. "What are you going on about Paddy?"

"Love, what DO you remember about getting that call to Shadwell's?" asked Chas.

"I don't remember it at all."

Dr. Cosgrove arrived at that moment to check in on her patient. "How are you feeling Ms. Woodfield? I'm Dr. Cosgrove your neurologist."

Before Vanessa could answer, Frank jumped up to let the doctor know, "She seems to be a bit confused. Can't even remember being at the horse farm."

Not entirely surprised by this, Dr. Cosgrove said, "Ms. Woodfield, I'm going to give you a few simple instructions. OK?"

Vanessa gave a slight nod and said "OK".

"Please look up… good, look down….. and now side to side. Good. Now keep your head still and follow my finger." Vanessa complied as Dr. Cosgrove drew the letter H in the air. "Close your eyes….. Open them….. Smile….. Puff out your cheeks. Excellent, very good." The doctor took out a tuning fork from her pocket. "I want you to tell me if you can hear the sound I make with this, alright?" Vanessa nodded. The doctor tapped the tuning fork and held it to Vanessa's right ear.

"I hear it." She then repeated the same thing on the left side. "I hear it."

"Excellent. OK, what is your full name?"

"Vanessa Elizabeth Woodfield"

"And where do you live?"

"Emmerdale."

"What do you do for a living Ms. Woodfield?"

"Veterinarian."

"Do you know what month it is?"

Vanessa hesitates. She honestly isn't sure. "September I think." She can see she answered wrong by the look on everyone's faces. "That's not right is it? How long have I been in here?"

"It's OK Ms. Woodfield. Tell me do you know what year it is?"

"2017?"

"Alright Ms. Woodfield, you say you don't recall being at the stud farm when the accident happened?"

"No."

"Can you tell me what is the last thing you do remember?"

Vanessa thought long and hard. "The last thing… the last thing I remember is…," and with a look of confusion and slight embarrassment, she recalled, "Oh yeah, the last thing I remember is finding Paddy tied up in surgery. Pearl was with me and we walked in and you were tied up to the cages. That Lindsey woman did that to you right?" Paddy looked horrified. "Oh c'mon Paddy, you have to admit it was pretty funny." Then frowning, Vanessa added, "Sorry, I know I said I wouldn't tell anyone but that IS the last thing I remember."

"Errrr. Um, you know," Paddy said, clearing his throat with a giggle, "She's a bit mixed up on some of the details but uh, well that was well over a year ago."

Tracy, utterly perplexed, chimed in, "You don't remember me taking you to Zolsha for a curry to celebrate your birthday?"

"No."

"You don't remember taking me to Cardigan Arms for Kebabs and 90's Girl Band Trivia Night? That was just last week."

"No."

"Do you remember our covert undercover operation when we thought Pete was cheating on Rhona?"

"Pete and Rhona are dating?"

"V, do you remember what happened to Finn?"

"What's happened to Finn?"

"Oh God," Tracy blurted as the gravity of the situation sank in.

"Have I been in here a few weeks already?" Vanessa asked.

"No V, you've only been in hospital one day but you seem to be missing almost a couple of years from your memory."

"A couple of years?" asked a panicked Vanessa

Frank also trying to understand what is happening spoke without thinking. "Teeny, you really don't recall anything that happened after Finn died?"

"FINN DIED!? TRACY!"

At this point Dr. Cosgrove stepped in. "Ms. Woodfield, please stay calm. Folks, can you help me pinpoint about the time Ms. Woodfield's recollection goes back to?"

All eyes turned to Paddy, "Ummm, err, yeah, If I'm not mistaken, it seems she's remembering from around September."

"Of last year?"

"No. September 2017."

"Wait, what year is it now?" asked Vanessa.

"2019 V, you're missing well over a year. A very busy year. Many, MANY big changes happened to me, and Dad, and you. Big BIG changes." Tracy motioned with her hands held wide to indicate the bigness of the changes.

"You're telling me Johnny's three years old now and I 've just forgotten almost half his life?" Vanessa looked around the room for signs that this was a big prank being played on her but all she found were solemn looking faces avoiding eye contact. "Where is he? I need to see him, I need see my little boy."

"Look, its alright sweetheart, he's with Rhona right now and he'll go back to yours and Charity's tonight now that we know you are OK."

"MINE AND CHARITY's?! What the hell is MINE and CHARITY's? Tracy what is going on?" Suddenly, Vanessa grasped at her head and screamed in agony as a full-blown pain set in that felt like a knife through her brain.

"Folks, I'm going to ask you all to step outside for a moment please." The doctor assured Vanessa she was going to be OK and turned up her sedatives to calm her down.

As the group waited for Dr. Cosgrove to step outside of Vanessa's room, Charity returned with ice chips proudly in hand.

"Has the doc arrived? Has she seen Vanessa's on the mend? I've got her some ice just waiting to be sucked on." Charity walked toward the door but stopped short when Frank stepped in front of her.

"Wait Charity, you can't go in there." Tracy advised.

"What happened, did Ness have a seizure or something? I've only been gone a few minutes. I need to see her." Charity readied herself for whatever is going on.

"Charity STOP. Do NOT go in there," Frank repeated.

"I'll go where I'm needed by my fiancée thank you very much."

"You're not her fiancée, you're just the landlady to her right now and if you go in there, you'll upset her worse than she is already."

"ExCUSE me! Look whatever your reason is for my sudden demotion we can discuss later but right now, I'd like to bring the woman I love something to make her feel better. So get out of my way."

"Charity, Vanessa seems to have forgot some stuff," said Chas.

Charity shifted her eyes to her cousin and asked, "Like what?"

"Like, what she did for her last birthday and, …baby Grace and, …um, her suspension, and ah ….. being a lesbian. Ya know, things like that."

"Are you saying she's got scrambled egg for brains?"

Just then Dr. Cosgrove exited Vanessa's room prompting Frank to ask, "Doctor, has she calmed down?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I had to turn up her sedatives a bit again, just enough to make her comfortable. She's still in no state to be worked up though and we mustn't allow her to exert herself so for now, she will be very tired and I'd like for you to limit how many people and how much time you spend in her room."

"Of course, we'll keep things quiet in there doctor. Can you tell us, her memory loss, will that just be temporary?"

"I'm calling in a neuropsychologist for a consult but I believe Ms. Woodfield has retrograde amnesia. She is clearly having trouble recalling events from her past."

Frank responds, "But she knows who she is and what she does for a living, she knows we're her family."

"Yes, but retrograde amnesia is often marked by the ability to recall all procedural memories and practical skills, but the inability to recall more recent experiential memories. Older memories are sometimes more accessible because they have been consolidated by the brain while more recent life events have yet to undergo consolidation and thus, are lost."

Charity, once again speaks for the group saying, "Here we go with the speaking Greek again."

"Let me put it this way. If you take a photo on your mobile, the photo is stored temporarily on the phone itself and after a while, all of your old photos get uploaded to more permanent storage in the cloud, right?"

Everyone nodded.

"Well, it's as if Vanessa's brain is like a mobile phone that's been dropped and broken. Only, her memories are like the photos. She can't access all the recent memories because that part of the phone where they were stored has been damaged. But the older memories, from a few years ago, those were already uploaded into cloud storage, so she can easily access those memories and bring them back."

Paddy felt compelled to mention, "I got a great deal on a two-year plan to store all our best pix on pCloud. Excellent security too." Everyone gave Paddy a well-deserved evil eye.

Frank was the only one who could advocate for his daughter at the moment. "Is the memory loss permanent?"

"Sometimes but not always. Some people do get some or all of their memories back after a few days or weeks. Sometimes it takes longer. For now, please don't say anything too upsetting to her. You can answer whatever questions she has but be sensitive to how anything from the recent past will be new information to her. If you think it will upset her, redirect the conversation. Answer only what she asks, don't volunteer to fill in the blanks for her just yet."

"Thank you doctor."

"She asked that I send in her father and sister."

All eyes fell on Charity. She looked gutted. Tracy walked to her placing her hands in Charity's. "Don't worry, she'll probably remember everything in a day or two. She's going to be OK and that's the most important thing."

Charity nodded and did her best to force a smile. "You're right Trace, we're lucky she is gonna be fine." Thoughts were racing through her mind at a mile a minute. What if she never remembers how good they are together? What if she never gets those feelings back? What does she think of me right now? Just the landlady?

No. Worse than that, the landlady who schemed to get Frank sent up. A lonely, friendless, pathetic jezebel. A pathological liar of the highest order. The picture of everything Vanessa said in the cellar the night they first kissed rushed through her head like a river because up until that point, Charity never really knew or cared what Vanessa thought of her. But when Vanessa delivered some home truths to Charity that night, she was shook. And now, every last word was coming back like a hot slap to the face because those words, that characterization is EXACTLY what Vanessa, her love, her rock, her tiny blonde rocket woman, thinks of Charity right now.

Now, it was Charity who couldn't find enough air for a deep breath. She could physically feel the air being sucked out of her lungs, her eyes turning red as fire and she was quite sure she could hear the cracks forming from where her heart was breaking. Staring into space, she announced to everyone, "I'll go get Johnny from Rhona's and bring him home." Then, to Tracy, sounding like a stoic but looking like someone who just lost their best friend, "Please keep me posted on how she's doing." She then turned and walked towards the exit before anyone could see the tears that began streaming from her eyes.


	4. Two Great Tastes That Taste Great

Chapter 4: Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

Vanessa's condition continued to improve over the next forty-eight hours. She felt easily fatigued as her lungs continued to heal and her headaches ranged from mild to severe throughout the day. Serious doses of analgesics minimized her pain and she avoided anything stronger since her doctor feared long term use of Tramadol would worsen her memory loss.

Dr. O'Hara, her neuro-psychologist, showed up early in the morning for a final consultation before her discharge. Vanessa had been annoyed by the constant parade of staff that poked and prodded her throughout her few days at the hospital, but she looked forward to Dr. O'Hara's twice daily visits; initially because he resembled her favorite professor at uni who taught her Bio-veterinary Science course and, subsequently, because they shared a love of rosemary shortbread cookies and knitting. Mostly though, she felt like Dr. O'Hara was the one person she could fully confide in and he was the only doctor she asked to refer to her on a first name basis.

He understood better than anyone the confusion that comes with learning about one's life when it's being authored by third parties. He recognized the desperation Vanessa felt trying to regain what was lost; begging family and friends to recount the missing months for her. He fully comprehended the anger she felt having to rely on the words of others and the doubt she felt as she tried to have faith in what was being passed off as her truth. Even if it was all accurate, it was an edited version of the truth where she relied on middlemen to pick and choose what qualified as relevant.

From what she gathered, there was one person who could provide her with a proper and near complete summary of the past year and a half or so. Vanessa was simply not ready to have a sit-down with Charity Dingle playing the role of narrator in her story. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"I know you've told me to stay away from quacks promising magical results with hypnosis," snapped Vanessa with a scowl, "but surely there must be something I can do to get my memory back?"

Dr. O' Hara typically found his patients exasperating when they fancied themselves instant experts thanks to "Dr. Google", but he rather enjoyed the fact that Vanessa, with her medical background, knew just enough information to be dangerous.

"Vanessa, I never said hypnosis therapy had no value but in your case, it is more likely to produce false memories than actual ones. Valdimir Nabokov astutely observed through his characters that the memory can be imperfect, unreliable, flawed and even biased." Dr. O'Hara continued on like a lecturer enraptured with his own voice. "Humans are unique in that our consciousness tries to make sense of our experiences in this world. Really, the best medicine I can prescribe for you right now is that you keep an open mind."

Vanessa pressed her lips and furrowed her brow. "Spouting Nabokov at me and telling me to keep an open mind, hmmmm?" Then, with a half smile and raised brow, "Are you sure your degree is in medicine and not English Literature?"

The doctor looked forward to Vanessa's snark with each check-in, so with a smirk he replied, "I will miss your mocking jibes Vanessa. They've become the highlight of my day."

He understood that for most, ideas surrounding the unconscious may seem esoteric but he viewed Vanessa as a fellow person of science and so he pushed on. "A belief in facts need not preclude you from understanding matters of metaphysics, nay, it should drive your quest to investigate it further. You see, in most people, the sense of self is so deeply embedded into the fabric of consciousness, it takes extraordinary factors to cause a brain to completely suppress information and then recover it sometime in the future. But in reality, the same mechanisms that cause us to forget what we had for lunch yesterday or where we left our keys this morning, what we would call _ordinary forgetting_,… those same mechanisms have simply gone haywire in people like yourself who've experienced a traumatic injury to the head. Even ordinary memories elude us at times Vanessa, but somewhere in there, you know what you had for lunch and you know where you left your keys. If our memories are jogged by just the right sound, smell, feeling or visual cue, we can recall those events. You catch a chill and go to put on a sweater, you suddenly remember you left your keys in the pocket of your winter jacket. There's nothing magical about it. At that moment, your brain was open and free to recall the event. Right now, you feel as though you are reading an autobiography of someone else's life and I understand how that can feel terrifying. But I assure you, if you allow yourself to just be, going back to your routine can spur a sense of familiarity that ultimately could help you recover some if not all of your memory. You must allow yourself to be exposed to the triggers that will act as the key to unlock your memory."

Vanessa relaxed her face and bit her bottom lip. "Well, keep an open mind I shall then. Thank you Dr. O'Hara."

"I'll go sign your discharge papers. Be sure to make an appointment to come see me at the clinic next week."

Much to her chagrin, Vanessa agreed to have Johnny stay at the Pub under Charity's care for the nights she was at the hospital. He'd been living there for months now and given the disruption that came with being away from his mother for a few days, Frank and Tracy appealed to her belief that routine was important for a child's sense of normalcy in the face of change. Convincing her that Charity Dingle reading Johnny his bedtime story and tucking him in each night was what passed for "normal" these days was no small feat, but once Harriet vouched for the arrangement, Vanessa acquiesced figuring "If it's good enough for the vicar…"

Upon release from the hospital, Vanessa headed for Tug Ghyll. The extra room remained unoccupied after the Maya/Jacob scandal came to light and Vanessa was nowhere close to being ready to return to the Pub.

Much to _her_ chagrin, Charity had stayed away from the hospital respecting Vanessa's request for more time to wrap her head around all the history that had gone missing from her memory. She kept constant tabs on her fiancée via Tracy, Frank, Paddy and others. If you were not immediately in Charity's line of sight, there was a chance you might be checking in on Vanessa and therefore, Charity would call your mobile asking for an update. At one point Chas disappeared from behind the bar for five minutes so Charity called her only to be disappointed to discover her cousin was in the loo.

From the moment Vanessa arrived at Tug Ghyll, there was a steady flow of visitors checking in on her. Rhona currently sat on the sofa with her best friend and "nurse" Tracy busied herself in the kitchen preparing one of her famous vegan gluten free pizzas topped with tomato, mushrooms and basil.

Vanessa hadn't grilled Rhona yet for her version of "Vanessa Woodfield: The Lost Years" and after some cursory chit chat about the practice, Pete and Pearl's latest erotic work of fiction: _Gustav's Appetite Part II – Hungry For More_, she started to dig for Rhona's perspective on the whole "Charity" thing.

"Please tell me you can shed light on how this happened. Have I really lowered my standards so much that Charity qualified as _'life goals'_?"

Rhona cocked her head and tried to commiserate. "Ness, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to be robbed of so much time." But Vanessa was not interested in Rhona's sympathy. She was desperate to understand how Charity got her claws into her and how she came to not just like her, but love her. Charity Dingle! In what universe?

"Look Rhona, I appreciate the thought but let's save the pity party for later, OK? Right now, all I want is an explanation. I know I spent a lot of time in the Land of Confusion and you know better than anyone the falling-for-a-woman bit isn't that surprising. But why Charity? I mean you, I get. Beautiful, successful, smart, kind and caring. I'm sorry but Charity seems like a big, BIG step down."

Embarrassed by the compliment but wanting to give Vanessa some comfort about her current choice in partner, she admitted, "Look, if you told me a while ago that you and Charity would be the picture of happiness, a shining example of a stable family unit, I'd of thought you'd broken into the drug cupboard at the surgery. And, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't onboard with the idea of you and she as a couple at first. In fact, if I put all my cards on the table, I'd say she's getting the better end of the bargain with you in her life."

"But…?" asks Vanessa obviously anticipating a somewhat more positive spin.

"But…. I've never seen you so happy as you are being with her. It might not make any sense on paper but she's clearly made you content in a way that no one else ever has. If I'm being brutally honest, I might have thought at first you were just trying to save her from herself." Then, leaning in, "You do know about her trial with Bails, right?"

Vanessa looked down at her feet and shared, "Yeah, Tracy went into some detail about it. It's awful what happened to her."

Rhona continued, "You do have a compunction to save the walking wounded Ness. I figured, after a while, you'd get her out of your system and move on to someone, you know, more compatible. But really, who am I to judge anyone else's compatibility? Pete and I surely don't make any more sense but it just works doesn't it? And of course, there is the side benefit that the whole village gets to enjoy," Rhona added nodding her head like she had stated the obvious.

"Eh, what side benefit is that?"

"Well, I just mean that since you two have been together, Charity's gone from being insufferable to slightly tolerable. So you know, there's that."

"You make it sound like I'm performing a community service. And even if I was being particularly meddlesome, I still don't understand it. I mean, it's Charity! Surely, I could do better?"

"Look, you two do actually have quite a bit in common. Same age, both single Moms with little ones, both running your own businesses. At the end of the day, you both fancied each other, **a lot**, and you both wanted a committed relationship. She brings a little bit of chaos to the table and it mixes quite nicely with your more ordered way of living."

Vanessa sighed and remained unconvinced.

Rhona pursed her lips wanting desperately to help her best friend wrap her head around the notion of "Charity Dingle: Loving Fiancée. "You know that gelato place you like in Hotten, the one that makes all the "artisan" toppings?" asked Rhona using finger quotes.

"Yes Rhona, file it under something I do actually remember. We've been going there for as long as I've lived here."

"Well, then you know your favorite topping is the balsamic vinegar strawberries."

"And this has to do with me and Charity becauuuuuse…?"

"Do you remember your reaction the first time you looked at your options behind the counter?" Mimicking Vanessa, "eeeeeww, vinegar and strawberries? How could that possibly taste good together?"

"Why does your impression of me make me sound like one of them posh Ampleforth girls?"

"Focus Vanessa. Vinegar is acidic, sour, pungent even. Strawberries on the other hand are fragrant, tangy, and sweet."

"I assume I'm the strawberry in this scenario?" Vanessa asks skeptically as she narrows her eyes.

"Yes Vanessa, YOU are the strawberry and Charity is the balsamic. Separately, you each come with your own bold flavor." Leaning forward to drive home the point of her questionable analogy, "But together, you create an unexpected savory treat."

"Go on," Vanessa sneered as she arched one eyebrow.

"Vinegar is in many ways the opposite of the strawberry. By being a strong contrast, the balsamic complements the sweetness of the berry making it taste even sweeter than it would be on its own. The balsamic vinegar, meanwhile, retains it's strong flavor but it's usual bite fades into the background somewhat leaving you ready to taste the contrasting floral flavor of the berry."

Vanessa could only shake her head. "Well I still don't get it but I am hungry for some pudding."


	5. There Must Be More Than This Provinci

Chapter 5: There Must Be More Than This Provincial Life

Late afternoon at Tug Ghyll brought another attempt to stroll down memory lane. This time, Tracy was trying to fill in the gaps for Vanessa, but she jumped back and forth on the missing timeline so much, Vanessa grew increasingly frustrated with the exercise. Frank suggested taking Dr. Cosgrove's analogy with the mobile phone to heart and the trio began to scroll through Vanessa's cell phone photo gallery. It worked quite well for a short while until some suggestive selfies started to pop up that were clearly taken by Charity and meant for Vanessa's eyes only.

"Well, I can't unsee that now, can I?" said a repulsed Frank as he averted his eyes.

Vanessa was exhausted, irritated and ready for her next round of pain meds as the throbbing in her head worsened. Exasperated, she summarized the afternoon's lesson. "So, David's a lying, cheating man-child, Megan's a lying, cheating vamp, Paddy and Chas experienced inconceivable tragedy and yours truly fell in love with the town gigolo… who happens to be a woman. So much for my pleasant provincial life."

"You know, for a small village, we do have more than our fair share of drama," agreed Tracy lifting her brow.

Frank concurred, "It's true. Telenovelas have nothing on Emmerdale."

Charity had kept herself busy all morning and early afternoon, dropping Moses and Johnny at nursery, taking inventory, assembling the mid-week order and feigning interest in the lunch crowd chit chat. In between tasks, she was constantly texting Tracy. She knew Vanessa was back at Tug Ghyll, knew Tracy had Vanessa's favorite tea at the ready and even knew that Vanessa had not one but two slices of pizza for lunch.

_Shall I bring her a jumper from home? Is it too drafty there? _

_She's fine, comfortable as she can be with a splitting headache._

_Shall I run to Boots for some painkillers? Heating pads? Chocolates?_

_Not necessary. She left hospital with her meds._

_Has she asked for me?_

Tracy did her best to be sensitive to Charity's feelings but was growing weary of the constant back and forth.

_Lots of conversation about you. She's settling in, talk later!_

With that, Tracy put her phone out of sight to end the distraction.

_Can I pop over?_

Charity waited for the response but after a few minutes wrote,

_I'm desperate to see her. It's been days!_

She waited. Seconds passed though it felt like an eternity to Charity.

_I'm coming over, won't stay long. Just need to see her. It's been long enough._

With that, Charity advised Chas that she was taking her late lunch break and she headed to the café first to pick up some treats to bring to Vanessa.

Harriet had dropped in to share more details about Charity's history with Bails and how the three came to discover that Ryan was still alive. With each additional facet of the story, Vanessa felt more and more ambivalent about Charity. She wouldn't wish such horror on even her worst enemy and Charity was certainly not that. The more she learned, the more she started to think of Charity as a survivor of the unthinkable. It was inconceivable that a teenage Charity had no one to protect her from such a heinous crime. Vanessa couldn't help but think back to her own childhood and realized as imperfect as it was, at least her basic needs for shelter and safety were met.

Still, she vacillated between sympathy for Charity and anger, though she didn't really know who or what she was angry at. It wasn't Charity she was angry with. She couldn't put her finger on it, but Vanessa felt violated in some way yet had no words to explain why or how.

Then, Harriet began to elaborate on the point that Bails had offered Charity hush money, and Charity accepted it. Graft, pure and simple. This sounded just like the Charity Vanessa knew from her retained memories. Of course she took the money thought Vanessa; despite the fact that her sister was working with Bails on the campaign to raise awareness of sexual exploitation, despite the danger she put Tracy in by staying silent. Classic Charity Dingle; choosing the quick payoff over protecting another human being; her own sister no less. Vanessa became livid and now she knew where to direct her anger. She began to vociferate at everyone and everything that came to mind.

As Vanessa released her rage in every direction, Charity hastened her way towards the house to gift Vanessa with the freshly procured sweets, and, as one does when visiting Tug Ghyll, she let herself in. She opened the entry door just as Vanessa was mid-rant and railing now, especially against Charity.

Her words were shrill and she was having a hard time catching her breath. "She's nothing but a modern-day Judas, that one. What kind of person _does that_? And _what the hell_ is the matter with all of you that you let me walk down the Devil's path with her?"

Charity immediately understood that she was the one Vanessa was vilifying. Slowly, she stepped out of the entryway and halfway into the living room as Vanessa carried on nearly gasping for air as she faced towards the kitchen counter where Frank, Tracy and Harriet stood. Her back to Charity, she continued her diatribe.

"… how _could_ she and what kind of total lapse in judgement would bring me together with that philandering, lying, scheming, interloping, man-eating, conniving awful woman?! You're all so busy trying to convince me I'm in love with her? I don't even **LIKE** her!"

Vanessa noticed that her audience shared the same expression now. Mouths agape as their eyes all darted towards the opposite side of the house. Instinctively, Vanessa turned on her heels to see what they were looking at.

There stood Charity, her face like a wet weekend, her lips turned down at the corners and her expression as sad as a bird with a broken wing.

She held out her arm holding the bag of sweets and said abjectly, "I've brought you your favorite scones from the café." As her vision blurred and the lump in her throat grew larger, she felt like her feet were cemented to the floor beneath her. Maybe her body was subconsciously telling her to stay.

_Let Vanessa see you cry and understand your pain._ But then she thought, _no, that is not how it will go down. It's just words and I've been hurt by much worse._

Once again, there she was, standing in front of an audience, stifling her tears, searching for words to use in her defense. But her mind was blank and she was consumed with despair. Not that long ago, an unkind word from Vanessa would have barely registered with Charity. But now, it was enough to knock the wind out of her.

Charity tossed the bag on the sofa and made a hasty exit brushing away any evidence of how upset she was once she stepped outside. The happy reunion she hoped for after so many days apart was not happening. She breathed in the cool air outside like a cleanser for her sorrow and she retreated back to the Pub dispirited and beginning to lose hope.


	6. The Bottom of The Bottle

Chapter 6: The Bottom of the Bottle

The Pub was exceptionally busy for a late afternoon on account of a group from the NFU's Dairy Board passing through the village on their way back from a site tour. Chas was handling the shift on her own and Vic was in the weeds back in the kitchen. Charity barged into the pub and Chas, thinking she would have a reprieve, rejoiced, "Thank God. I'd thought you'd be gone all afternoon, but I could really use your help."

Charity, looking agitated, didn't acknowledge the presence of anyone or anything. She continued her brisk walk past Chas and the crowd, went behind the bar and straight through to the back room. "As usual, as helpful as a pocket knife at a gunfight," lamented Chas as she continued to serve and clear.

Charity headed straight for the kitchen cupboard where she stashed the emergency booze. She tore open a cabinet door, pulled out a lowball, forcefully put the glass on the counter and slammed the cupboard door shut. Reaching up higher, she ripped open the cabinet door where the hard liquor was kept and grabbed at the first bottle of whiskey she found. She began to pull the cork from the bottle when the label caught her eye.

Straithfillan. The same whiskey they drank in the cellar. The elixir that was meant to anaesthetize her from the misery she would surely experience from a night locked underground with one Ms. Vanessa Woodfield; super sloshed girl.

Purveyor of perfunctory put-downs.

Truth-teller with discerning blue-eyes.

"… _why don't you have a swig of this, 'cause  
the sooner you pass out the better."_

The way her yellow cape lay askew on her  
shoulder.

"_You and me are unfortunately stuck with each  
other for the foreseeable…"_

Not just the foreseeable but forever.

"… _maybe don't do it with him 'cause I think you_

_could do better."_

How could someone so beautiful settle for  
someone so infinitely mediocre?

_" You're too easy. I like a challenge."_

Bored and lonely?  
Fuck you Vanessa; challenge accepted.

"_If I want someone to notice me, they notice me."_

God her lips are so soft. Why has she not  
slapped me?

She hasn't even pushed me away. Drop your  
hand Charity. Don't push your luck.

Well that shut her up.  
That whiskey has made me giddy.  
At least, I think it's the whiskey.

Wait. Did she just tilt her head towards me?  
Is she going to kiss me back?  
Jesus Christ she's kissing me back and she's  
pressing into me. Pull her closer Charity.

Keep this going.

Charity remembered that night in vivid detail, as if it happened yesterday. It occurred to her that Vanessa could not. It wasn't her choice. It wasn't her wish. It was forced upon her. This isn't something that Vanessa was doing to hurt Charity. Vanessa was the one who was hurt. Vanessa was the one who needed help. Charity knew she was not going to find the help Vanessa needed at the bottom of the bottle in her hand.

She put the cork back in the bottle; put the bottle back on the shelf. The glass was returned to its proper place in the cabinet. Charity reached for a mug then reached for the kettle to make a brew.

"There you are," hissed Chas as she entered the room. "Did ya not notice we're busier than Leeds Station at rush hour out there?"

Charity took a deep breath and replied, "I'm sorry, my break didn't go as planned."

Chas could see Charity was under a grey cloud. "What happened?"

Charity sat at the table and shook her head as she spoke. "I'm still persona non grata as far as Vanessa's concerned. I knew she'd made no progress with getting her memory back but, I don't know, I thought she'd have come around by now to the idea of us."

Chas sat with her cousin. "I can't imagine what it would be like to wake up one day and not remember what I did last week let alone last year. Places I'd been, people I met, experiences I'd had."

"I can't either. I mean, I've tried you know? I've thought, what if I lost the same time she has and it were up to you to tell me I'm living with Vanessa now, one big happy family. I'm sure I'd be shocked, but the difference is, I wouldn't be thinking all these awful things about her. The worst I'd imagine is she's a bit snobby and maybe a bit boring, perhaps a prude but I would have been _way_ off on that one. But I'd also think, she's smart, feisty and certainly easy on the eyes."

Chas smiles at her cousin's assessment.

"She hates me Chas. She really thinks I'm despicable."

"I doubt that Charity. You've been great and given her space while she recovered in the hospital and maybe you should still give her some space but just _some_ you know. Not so much that it makes reconciliation impossible. Just let her know you're here for her and that you want to help. Let her take the lead but at least let her know your door is open."

"That's just it though, I don't even think I can get an audience with her. Not in her current state. She'll just throw some unkind words in my direction, or worse, some heavy objects."

"How many of your nasty glares did Vanessa face down last year when you were going through the trial? I know I don't know all the details, but I do know you, and I suspect your Vanessa must have been part Weeble Wobble to put up with you."

"You're right. Of course, you're right. There is no one as resolute in their support as Vanessa."

"Have your cup of tea, cool your jets, and then go remind your woman how much you care. Maybe all you can do is let her know when she's ready, you're here for her. If she gets angry, don't get angry back. Just listen to her."


	7. Rice Cakes and Tax Returns

Chapter 7: Rice Cakes and Tax Returns

Charity took Chas's words to heart and decided to give it another try. She stepped outside the Woolpack still feeling like she was about to confront the enemy, so she elected to take a walk around the village first and clear her head before heading over to Tug Ghyll.

As she rounded the corner near the playground, she saw a yellow ray of sunshine sitting on the swings, just barely swinging to and fro. Vanessa was alone and Charity surmised she wasn't the only one looking for some respite from the afternoon's turmoil. So as not to sneak up on her, Charity made a circle round the playground, walked up in full view and sat down on the empty swing right next to Vanessa.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," lamented Vanessa as she stared into the empty space in front of her.

"So you're sorry I heard it, but not sorry that you said it."

"Charity…."

"No, no don't. No takebacks. It's OK, you said what you felt. You always have." Turning her head to speak directly to Vanessa now, "It's one of your best qualities that, you don't hold back, always tell me what you really think."

Vanessa made no eye contact with Charity preferring to continue her gaze at the tree tops, the playground equipment, the sound of a chirping bird; anything to avoid looking at the woman sitting just to her left. "My head's a mess, the pain makes me moody, and, you picked a bad moment to walk in. You weren't around to hear me say…," Vanessa stopped mid-sentence unsure of how to discuss what she'd learned about Charity's history with Bails. She pressed her lips together to consider her words. "I think it's amazing what you did to bring that man to justice. Only a remarkable woman would have the strength and resilience to see that through and go on to live her life to the full."

The first kind words from Vanessa assuaged the sting of her earlier censure and Charity exhaled a sigh of relief.

Vanessa continued, "I think maybe I'm just overloaded right now with information. All these facts and bits and pieces of my life are swirling around in my head. Choices I've made, mistakes that have had real consequences. Some things that maybe I always knew about myself and some things that, frankly, come as a complete surprise."

Charity interjected, "Like the fact that you're in a relationship with a woman? Only, the part about being with a woman isn't the surprising bit is it? You're just surprised that woman is me."

"You can't know that Charity."

"Sure I can, 'cause you've already told me so."

"Have I?"

"Yeah, actually. One of our bedtime chats. I know the complete history of the girl crushes you've had Vanessa. All the usual suspects; Jodie Foster, Jamie Lee Curtis, Mary Stuart Masterson, Leonardo DiCaprio _and_ Kate Winslet naturally. And some peculiar choices if you don't mind me saying so; Anneka Rice?" Charity asked wrinkling her nose and eyes. "I'm sorry, that ones just plain odd. Not to mention your biggest school girl crush when you were completing your A-levels; Sarah Jane Davies." Vanessa's eyes popped open. "I'm sure she was pretty but Chess Club _and_ Model UN? She sounded as boring as eating a rice cake whilst doing your tax return."

Certain she has never told anyone about her unrequited crush on Sarah Jane Davies, Vanessa grinds her teeth realizing Charity must be telling the truth about this conversation they supposedly had.

"You never imagined being with someone like me and that's OK. I don't mind that I don't fit the prototype of whomever you thought you'd end up with. But what I do mind, what I can't bear right now is that you can't even look at me."

"You don't know what this is like."

"Then tell me."

"I can't."

"You can. I want to help you Vanessa. I want to be here for you the way you were there for me throughout my various and sundry crises."

"You don't owe me anything."

"I don't want to help you because I owe you Vanessa. I want to help you because I love you."

"Please stop."

"Stop? Stop what? Loving you? Not possible."

"Charity!"

"I don't care if this makes you uncomfortable."

"If you loved me you'd give me some space."

"_All_ I've done so far is give you space. I don't know what you need. Tough love? A shoulder to cry on? A bottle of red? Whatever it is, I can help and I _want_ to help but you have to tell me how."

Tearily, "I want all of this to just go away. I'm sorry but I just want to be left alone."

Charity abruptly gets off the swing and stands in front of Vanessa making it all the more difficult for the vet to avert her eyes. "Being alone is not what you need right now," exclaims Charity.

Glancing at Charity and almost immediately looking away again Vanessa questions, "Who are you to tell me what I need?"

Charity notices Vanessa's jaw is trembling and she observes Vanessa isn't sad or angry at this moment. Rather, she looks haunted and frightened. Charity considers the question asked and adjusts her entire physicality before responding. She kneels in front of Vanessa and modulates her tone before speaking. As she begins to speak, her voice is almost unrecognizable; calm, slow, measured in tone…... sincere.

"Who am I? I'm your fiancée, and, I love you." This causes Vanessa to twist her face. "Fine, grimace if you must but it's the truth. And, if you won't listen to Tracy or Rhona or Harriet or anyone else willing to tell you it's true then listen to the one person who knows your truth better than anyone."

Vanessa rolls her eyes and responds mockingly, "You?"

Charity fights every instinct to bite back. _Don't take it personally Charity. Maintain your composure. Don't let Vanessa's fears suffocate your desire to help her. Be decisive. Be fearless. Keep Calm and Carry On._

With an even gentler voice and the undeniable courage of her convictions, Charity responded. "No. Not me Vanessa…. You. No one knows your truth better than you."

Charity reached up and placed her hands over Vanessa's, cradling them softly as they rested on Vanessa's knees. Vanessa finally looked straight into Charity's eyes and held her gaze as Charity continued.

"Have a little faith in yourself. Have a little confidence that you're not some gullible Gulliver that got duped into choosing me as their partner... I didn't swindle you into being my girlfriend and then fiancée. I didn't trick you into moving into the pub with me, Moses and Noah... You're not some mug I hoodwinked into caring for me. _You_ made the decision to love me. You called the shots Vanessa. Lord knows I didn't make it easy for you but you still fell for me. We fell for each other."

Vanessa was utterly flustered and didn't realize she was crying until a tear fell down her cheek. She found she couldn't take her eyes off Charity now even if she wanted to. Were Charity's eyes always so green and beautiful? Had she just seen into Charity's soul?

The breeze kicked up a bit and though the air was cool, it was humid and Vanessa felt like she had suddenly been blanketed in warmth and the throbbing in her head abruptly disappeared.

Still holding Charity's gaze she shared, "I don't know who or what to trust Charity. I can't remember _anything_. Everything feels so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. And you," Vanessa breathed in deeply before continuing, "it would almost be better if you'd have been…" she pauses, knowing that what she is about to say will cut like a knife.

Charity whispers, "Go on, say it." Vanessa shakes her head, wipes the tears from her face and then places her hands back on top of Charity's with a purposeful grip.

Charity finishes Vanessa's sentence for her. "It would have been better if I'd have been a complete stranger, yeah?"

_She knows_ thinks Vanessa. _Did she read my mind?_ Vanessa bows her head as the tears continue to flow.

Charity huffs out a laugh to stop herself from crying but she is fully aware that Vanessa is holding her hands, tightly now, keeping her in place.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. I don't know how to help you. I hear you saying you want me to back off and leave you be but I won't do that. I can't. You're my life now Vanessa. You and Johnny and Moses and Noah, we're a team. And I _get_ that it makes no sense to you now and I don't know how long it'll take for you to remember how _amazing_ we are together, but, I'm gonna stand right beside you until it happens."

Vanessa noticed she felt much calmer now. The throbbing in her head had been replaced with the fast beating of her heart. As she held Charity's hands, she noted how soft her skin was, how long her fingers were and how well their hands seemed to fit together. She felt an unfamiliar comfort and as the breeze continued to blow, she was mesmerized by the way the wind tousled Charity's curls off her face.

Vanessa matter-of-factly stated, "It might never happen. My doctor told me I may never retrieve my lost memories."

The shift in mood was palpable and suddenly, Charity knew exactly what to say. She moved the hair that flew into her eyes away, offered a touch of a smile, placed her hands back on top of Vanessa's and offered, "Lucky for me, someone in my life taught me quite a bit about having boundless patience. Please Ness, let me help you. I swear, I can make you see how great we are together. And even if you never remember the first time you fell in love with me, I promise you, you'll never forget the second time you do."

Vanessa is floored by this version of Charity kneeling in front of her. Unexpected, raw and vulnerable. She left Vanessa speechless, but the silence was interrupted by Victoria calling for Charity from the perimeter of the playground.

"There you are!" Vic was uncomfortable as she had clearly interrupted something. "Sorry, but the drayman mixed up the order and I think you should come back to the pub to sort it out unless you meant not to have any ale and only spirits this week."

Charity slowly stood up to address Vic. "Don't sign for anything, I'll be right there."

Vanessa was now looking at Charity warmly. Charity reckoned she had spent enough time in Vanessa's space and in an effort to strike the proper balance she made Vanessa an offer.

"Johnny can stay at the Pub again tonight if you like but I'm sure you'll want to spend time with him so I'll pack his overnight bag for you and bring it to pickup. Maybe you two can have a sleepover with Aunt Tracy tonight? I want you to come home Vanessa, whenever you're ready. I hope you'll come home soon."

With that, Charity turned and started back towards the pub leaving Vanessa to contemplate who was that woman that just kneeled before her. She wondered if that version of Charity was real and worthy of Vanessa's love. If she is real though, thought Vanessa, why is she with me? Vanessa pondered, _how did someone like me land someone as beautiful, fearless and desirable as Charity?_


	8. The Playdate

Chapter 8: The Playdate

By the time Vanessa arrived at the child minder to pick up Johnny, Charity had already been by for Moses and as promised, she had left a bag with Johnny's pajamas and favorite lovey and blanket.

Vanessa was relieved to avoid another run-in with Charity and looked forward to one-on-one time with her boy. Johnny was happy to spend time with Aunt Tracy at Tug Ghyll and Vanessa couldn't stop smiling at her son.

It was as if he ate some magic beans that made him double in size overnight and she marveled at his full sentences and independence. Johnny was not much of a chatter and had a few dozen mispronounced words at best last Vanessa remembered. Now, he could wash his own hands, feed himself and he knew a few hundred words, though he still mostly kept them to himself, quiet lad that he was.

"I ran into Charity at the playground earlier," Vanessa shared pensively.

"Really? Did she give you an earful? I'm happy to have a word with her, make sure she gives you room to breath."

"No need. She was quite considerate actually. Maybe even a bit compassionate. She wasn't quite the Charity I thought I knew. It's all a bit bewildering. Anyway, I want to pop in at the surgery tomorrow and I think I'll ask her to watch Johnny for me. I can't have him with me and on the ride home he was already asking to play with Moses so, two birds one stone? Do you think that will be weird to ask of her?"

Smiling, Tracy assures Vanessa, "It won't be weird at all V. It will be just another day, honestly. If she's not working a shift I'm sure she'll say yes and Johnny and Moses have become inseparable so it'll be good for the lot of ya."

Vanessa pulled out her mobile to arrange it all.

_Playdate for Johnny and Moses tomorrow afternoon? _

_Of course! Working morning and late evening  
shift but off all afternoon. Pop by whenever._

_Will do. See you tomorrow._

The next afternoon, Vanessa looked perplexed as she stood outside the pub. _Pub door or walk around to the main entrance to the house_, she wondered? She knew she lived there and could enter wherever she liked but something felt so unnatural about just walking in. She ultimately elected to walk through the pub. Bob was managing the bar and after some pleasantries he extended his hand towards the hallway connecting the pub to the living room.

The door was open and Johnny ran in to find Moses screaming "Mazuuuuuu!"

Moses jumped up immediately and returned the scream with an enthusiastic "Bill!"

Laughing nervously, Vanessa queried, "They've got unusual nicknames for each other?!"

Charity explained, "Oh, it's from their new favorite show, _Giganotosaurus_. 'Mazu' is the brainy dinosaur and 'Bill's' a bit, well, timid."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and I'm the one they call 'Tiny' and you usually play 'Rocky'."

"I'm Rocky and _you're_ Tiny?" asked Vanessa in her perpetual state of confusion.

"Yeah, um, well Tiny is quite silly and Rocky is the brave one."

"_I'm_ the brave one?"

"Yeah, I mean, none of the rest of us go around threatening men twice our size or try to stop arsonists mid-crime so, yeah, _you_ are the brave one."

"OK," Vanessa consented. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna head off to the surgery and get caught up on a few things."

"You're not staying?" asked Charity disappointedly.

"No, I'm sorry, did I not mention I was planning to just drop him off so I could go to work?"

Trying to hide how crestfallen she was, Charity replied, "I was hoping the playdate was for all of us. Thought you and I would have a chance to talk." Seeing how uneasy Vanessa suddenly became Charity quickly added, "But maybe you can have tea at the pub later and I can sneak in a sentence or two?"

"Yeah, sure. When I swing by later, I'll just …stick around for tea. In the pub. Later on."

Awkward silence had not ever been part of Charity and Vanessa's repertoire but at that moment, it was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

"Hey, could I nip upstairs and grab another jumper and some of my other things?"

Charity did her best to hide how dejected she felt at that moment. Vanessa taking her things out of her home, their home, back to Tracy's. Most definitely a step backwards. She forced a smile, "Of course you can. Whatever you need."

"Right then. Umm," Vanessa laughed nervously, "Could you show me the way? I don't know which room is….." Vanessa hesitated.

"Ours Vanessa. You don't know which room is ours. I'll show you."

With that, Charity led Vanessa up the stairs to their bedroom and left her to gather what she needed. Charity returned downstairs to mind the boys as they played.

Vanessa looked around the room. Their bedroom. Their bed. She blushed as she began to imagine what must go on in that bed. She looked at the photos on the nightstands. She ran her hands over some of Charity's clothes hanging in the closet. Turning her attention to the task at hand, Vanessa pulled her grey jumper from a hanger and decided to take her brown jacket with the fur lined collar from the closet as well. Her head was beginning to hurt and realizing it was time to take her meds, she hastily made her way back downstairs to say goodbye to Johnny.

When she reached the threshold to the living room, she found Johnny and Moses in full role-play mode with Charity.

"Rooooooaaaaaaaarrrr!" bellowed Moses doing his best impression of a dinosaur as Johnny giggled with Charity imploring "Tiny, catapult us away. We hafta escape Giganto!" With that, Charity/Tiny asked Johnny/Bill, "Are you ready Bill? Here. We. Gooooo!" as she lifted him into the air pretending they were both flying.

Vanessa needed only muscle memory to smile at the scene. The three were having the best time and clearly, Charity was happy to be with the boys. Vanessa could see without a doubt that Charity loved Johnny like he was her own. _Maybe tea tonight with Charity around won't be so bad_, she thought, and she snuck out, not wanting to interrupt the moment and wanting to take with her a clear vision of what her and Charity's family looked like.


	9. Punters and Provocations

Chapter 10: Il Primo

Charity stood in front of the mirror comparing the top she had on with one still on the hanger as Chas looked on.

"Crimson snakeskin or black zip up, what do you think Chas?"

"I dunno, are you going for the Lorraine Kelly wannabe look or more of a Fred Olsen cruisewear theme?"

Shoving the black top in Chas's face, Charity retorts "I'll have you know I took this from _your_ closet."

"Oh, I know you did. I know. C'mon Charity, it doesn't matter what you wear. She's already your fiancée. I don't think your wardrobe is gonna change that."

"I just want to look like, I don't know, someone worth marrying. I'm tellin' you Chas, something was off with her last night. She was all bossy about when to pick her up and her nose was twitching. Something was wrong and I feel like I'm about to be given the third degree."

"I hope she's in better spirits tonight then. Either way, you may as well enjoy a night off and I'm sure it'll be easier than pretending to do work around here. Past few days you've been about as useful as a clogged toilet at a beer and sausage festival."

"Shut-up Chas."

With that, Charity made her way to her car to pick up Vanessa for the drive to Hotten.

Despite being punctual, Vanessa had little to offer Charity in terms of kind words or simple small talk. The entire ride to town, Charity was met with one or two word answers and zero effort on Vanessa's part to engage in even the most basic pleasantries.

As they pulled into the restaurant lot, Charity's caustic tendencies got the better of her.

"I've had more engaging conversations with the boy's defective speak-and-spell they spilt milk on last month."

"Sorry if my repartee doesn't meet your high standards," Vanessa snapped back as she lets herself out of the car.

Charity exhaled out a half hour's worth of sighs before exiting the car so as to avoid any further backchat from Vanessa.

The ladies followed the maître d' to their table and Vanessa promptly ordered wine.

"A bottle of pinot noir please."

"Ness, are you sure it will mix OK with your medication?"

"I'm just on over the counter paracetamol now, no codeine. Couple of glasses will be fine."

Charity nodded at the host and he left them with menus before he scurried away to send over their waiter.

The mood remained tense; almost adversarial. The waiter returned with the wine, opened the bottle and poured. The women placed their orders and Vanessa began to fiddle with her silverware in between sips of wine.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when you suggested an evening out."

"I came very close to cancelling altogether. Maybe you'd have preferred that?"

Charity was left glaring at Vanessa who hadn't maintained eye contact for more than half a second since the beginning of the night.

"Maybe I would have. So, go on then. Why didn't you just cancel on me?"

Vanessa finally turned directly to Charity and scowled, "I didn't cancel because I need answers about something. Something I think I remembered, only, it's so upsetting, I'm sure it must be a kind of false memory my neuro warned me about."

"What is it you think you remembered?" asked Charity, unprepared for what was coming.

"Last night, when you got into it with that punter and you pushed him down…" Vanessa looked away for a moment to steel herself, "… I thought I remembered you pushing me down and me falling to the ground and hurting my wrist."

Charity's face sank as she immediately recognized the moment Vanessa was relaying.

"Surely, I wouldn't be with someone who was abusive towards me. I've got it in me to put up with a lot of nonsense but being degraded like that? No way. So please tell me that what feels like it really happened was just an illusion. My mind playing tricks on me. Please tell me it's not the truth."

Charity stared down at the table, unable to look Vanessa in the eye, and considered how her luck could get any worse. Of all the memories she made together with Vanessa, _that_ is what's crept its way back into her brain?

"Charity!?" Vanessa yelped wanting an answer.

"Your mind isn't playing tricks on you," Charity whispered with a hollowness in her voice. "It did happen."

Vanessa was shocked. Shaking her head in disbelief, "How?... Why?"

Still staring down into her wine glass, Charity lamented, "You know, the one silver lining to your accident was that you could forget about what happened to me all those years ago. Being on the streets, getting groomed by Bails, getting raped by Bails and his sleazy mates. I might've even been envious of you for a hot minute. It would be so nice to just erase that bit of my life from my memory."

Unable to connect how her possible memory is related to Charity's history, Vanessa furrowed her brow and waited for Charity to elaborate.

Charity returned her gaze directly back to Vanessa.

"I can offer you some context Vanessa, but, it won't change the fact that I'm sorry for what I did. I _swear_ to you, I apologized when it happened, and I apologize again now."

Vanessa could see Charity's eyes turning red with tears prompting her to say, "I don't want to make you talk about things that you don't want to talk about. But, if you could just help me understand."

Nodding her head, Charity began to explain.

"You know about Tracy and her case against Phil Webb?"

"Yeah, she told me about it, and about Bails' involvement."

"Right. So when Phil was sent down, I was sat with Tracy watching the news on the telly. It's how I found out that Bails was the copper who handled her case. Tracy thought he was brilliant. I was thunderstruck that a perv like him was handling a case like hers. She saw I was off but I passed off my mood on Bails having been the one who sent me down for the Home Farm fire."

"So, she didn't know straight away how far back your history really went with him?"

"No. She had no idea about that, but I guess I didn't hide beneath my armor as well as I'd thought 'cause she sent you over to check up on me. I asked you to go. You was fishing around for why I was upset and all I gave you was guff. You and your stupid talking. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to forget."

Taking another sip of wine for courage, Charity continued as Vanessa hung on to Charity's every word.

"I was crying and you and your rubbish detective skills concluded that what happened to Tracy was upsetting because something similar must have happened to me. So you suggested I go talk to DI Bails so he could help me out."

This information pushed all the air out of Vanessa's lungs and she closed her eyes realizing what an incredible blunder she had made.

"I explained to you that I couldn't very well report the man who raped me to the man who had actually raped me. You still had your facts mixed up. You didn't know this had all happened when I was a kid. You thought it was when he arrested me for the fire."

Charity was reliving the moment now as clearly as Vanessa had the night before and her chest heaved as she cried through her retelling of the rest of the moment.

"I couldn't tell you what happened to me. I didn't want to. I just wanted to leave it, so I told you to keep Tracy away from Bails and I tried to leave. I was done talking but you weren't. You followed me out the hallway pleading with me to talk more and I just wanted you out of my space. You were right behind me. I turned around and I pushed my arms out to get you to back off. It all happened so fast. You fell. It was just a shove. I _never _meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I kept pressing you to talk about something you didn't want to."

Regaining her composure, Charity insisted, "Don't you dare apologize. It wasn't alright what I did and please, _please_ believe me when I say that is not who I am, that is not who _we_ are."

"Of course I believe you," said Vanessa, and she meant it.

"You were so incredible Vanessa, you have no idea. I still tried to push you away after that, figuratively. It was the first time in my life that somebody made me feel like it was OK to _not be_ OK. At that point, the flood gates were open and I told you most of my sordid story. How I got into prostitution, how Bails used to look out for me, at first. How he eventually locked me up. How he beat me. I kept waiting for you to run out in horror but you just held me and for the first time in my life, I felt like maybe what happened wasn't all my fault."

"Of course it wasn't your fault!" Vanessa felt contrite for believing Charity might have hurt her on purpose. "I'm sorry I thought the worst. I didn't….. I didn't want that memory to be real but, I see sense now. I get it and I know you would never do anything to purposefully hurt me."

Charity stared at Vanessa with a doleful look on her face.

"That's not true."

"What's not true?" asked Vanessa.

"Well, if that one memory came back, I reckon others might too so, I best confess all my sins."

Charity takes another sip from her wine glass. Then, deciding it might be best to maximize the anesthesia, she takes two more gulps to finish it off.

"I did do something to hurt you. On purpose. Emotionally, anyway."

"Look, I'm not a magistrate and you're not on trial. You don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want to."

"I'm not telling you this to throw myself at your mercy, and, I'm not telling you to make you feel responsible for my bad behavior. If your brain is starting to unscramble, I'd rather you have some context for whatever bits and pieces worm their way back into your memory."

"Fair enough."

"You wanted me to report Bails. You thought I'd get some justice and I tried to explain to you that I didn't want to go after him. I didn't want to risk him wanting revenge. I was on edge but you kept pushing and I asked you to leave, again, and this time you obliged. Only you still didn't listen to me, 'cause you called the police and reported my crime for me."

"I didn't?"

"You did."

Vanessa, exasperated with herself, could only reply with, "Oh God," as she placed her elbows on the table and her head in her hands.

"What's wrong? Is it your head? Do you need your medicine now?"

"My head doesn't hurt from the accident, just maybe from my own imprudence. I don't need my meds but maybe another bottle of wine." With that Vanessa flagged down the waiter and ordered another bottle.

Charity continued, "You are occasionally presumptuous."

"I can't remember why I thought it was my business to report him but hopefully, I was just trying to help."

"Of course you were and hindsight is 20/20 but at the time, well, it was really bad Vanessa. I was really, really upset when I found out you'd reported it. Everything was so raw, all those things I told you that had been bottled up for years; it was like somebody ripped open old scars. I was hurting as it was and then you…. You were the only person I told, the only one I trusted. I was angry at myself and I was even more angry with you. I walked out 'cause honestly, I couldn't bear to look at you."

Just then, the waiter arrived with and opened the second bottle of wine. Once he left, Charity continued.

"You came 'round to apologize but also to tell me yet again that I needed to report Bails. You were angry at him and I was angry at you. You were listening to me Vanessa but, you weren't hearing me. You didn't really understand how I felt and as much as you did know, you had no idea about Ryan at that point. I felt cornered. You wanted me to do something I didn't want to do and I responded like I always had. I lashed out. I broke it off with you. I threatened you figuring it was the only way I was gonna make myself clear. As God is my witness, I would have never touched a hair on you but it was the only way to get rid of you."

Now, it was Vanessa who poured herself more wine looking to numb herself from the disturbing information she was learning.

"Most normal people would just pack it in at threats but ….I'm not normal. So I figured I'd try it on with some bloke who happened to be at the bar and Megan didn't burn any daylight ringing you up to tell ya. You being a glutton for punishment came back to sniff around. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to rub your nose in just how quickly I was able to forget you only, you didn't know just before you got there that I'd gone full psychopath on him and tossed him out before anything happened. I just wanted you to believe you meant so little to me that I could move on in a snap."

Pondering another sip but then pushing the glass away, Charity finished her thought.

"The look on your face. I couldn't turn away from you quick enough and I could hear you crying. I reckon that hurt you even worse than the shove and I've never apologized for that. I am so sorry."

"I don't get it. You didn't have to tell me that, and, you could have just let me believe that push was a figment of my imagination. Why are you being so…. honest?"

"I spent decades hiding things away, lying to cover up dark truths. You and I may have gone through some stormy weather to get where we are now, but I never want to live under that cloud again. You're my light at the end of the tunnel and I'll never go back. So, are you sure you still want to be sat across from me after everything I've told you? I mean, it's pretty much the worst of it aside from the occasional verbal jab and my usual stroppy demeanor which frankly, I think you find appealing."

"I'm sure. You see I actually reached into my pocket this morning for me phone so I could text you and cancel tonight. But, then I found these."

Vanessa reached into the jacket she had pulled from their closet the day before and pulled out some random bits of paper written on post-its, torn journal paper and the like.

Charity's mouth drops open in surprise. "Babe! You saved my naughty notes?"

"Is that what they're called? I wasn't really sure what to make of them."

Charity, welcoming an opportunity to change the mood, smiled at the pile of papers in front of her and sorting through it, she mentioned, "There's a lot more where these came from but you must of gone and saved the "best of" Charity's naughty notes. I write them to you sometimes to keep you entertained on your walk to surgery."

"Naughty notes? Not sure that's how I would describe them." Vanessa starts thumbing through them. "Let's see, ah yes,

_You've got a great ass, heart sign, Charity."_

"They can be factual and naughty at the same time," Charity states with a smile.

"OK, how about this one?

_Roses are red,_

_violets are blue_

_Please scrape off the muck,_

_stuck on your shoe."_

"Well, OK, they're not always naughty, sometimes just wishful thinking."

"And this one?

_Pick a fresh flower_

_Jump In a lake_

_Your snoring last night_

_Kept me awake"_

Laughing at how hilarious she is, Charity giggles, "They can't all be winners Vanessa. I'm glad you kept these. Here I thought your pockets were full of sheep droppings."

"I'm glad I kept them too. I don't normally believe in kismet but, maybe me keeping all these was a way to leave a reminder to myself. You know, like mementos from the past? I don't know, I probably sound daft."

"Not at all." Charity points to Vanessa's engagement ring. "That trinket on your finger should also serve as a relic from the past. Though, it's also meant to be a symbol of our future ….if you still want a future with me that is."

"You told me to have faith that _I_ made the choice, the _right_ choice, to be with you. I have to be willing to let the good memories back in. Not just have bad ones forced upon me so, I can't make any promises but I want to try, you know, to get to know you the way I did before my brains got scrambled."

Charity is chuffed now. Beaming with her smile, "Good. That's great actually. Thank you for giving me a chance to explain things and thank you for being willing to try."

Apprehensively, Vanessa pointed out, "I'm not ready to move back to the pub just yet."

"S'fine. Absolutely fine. I'm patient. Well, not really but for you, I will be. What do you say we look at a few more of these naughty notes; see if they don't trigger memories of better times?"

"I'd like that."

"Lets have a look at this one then…."

The women enjoyed sorting through the many notes as their first course arrived and a mellow and more tender mood permeated the air.


	10. Il Primo

Chapter 10: Il Primo

Charity stood in front of the mirror comparing the top she had on with one still on the hanger as Chas looked on.

"Crimson snakeskin or black zip up, what do you think Chas?"

"I dunno, are you going for the Lorraine Kelly wannabe look or more of a Fred Olsen cruisewear theme?"

Shoving the black top in Chas's face, Charity retorts "I'll have you know I took this from _your_ closet."

"Oh, I know you did. I know. C'mon Charity, it doesn't matter what you wear. She's already your fiancée. I don't think your wardrobe is gonna change that."

"I just want to look like, I don't know, someone worth marrying. I'm tellin' you Chas, something was off with her last night. She was all bossy about when to pick her up and her nose was twitching. Something was wrong and I feel like I'm about to be given the third degree."

"I hope she's in better spirits tonight then. Either way, you may as well enjoy a night off and I'm sure it'll be easier than pretending to do work around here. Past few days you've been about as useful as a clogged toilet at a beer and sausage festival."

"Shut-up Chas."

With that, Charity made her way to her car to pick up Vanessa for the drive to Hotten.

Despite being punctual, Vanessa had little to offer Charity in terms of kind words or simple small talk. The entire ride to town, Charity was met with one or two word answers and zero effort on Vanessa's part to engage in even the most basic pleasantries.

As they pulled into the restaurant lot, Charity's caustic tendencies got the better of her.

"I've had more engaging conversations with the boy's defective speak-and-spell they spilt milk on last month."

"Sorry if my repartee doesn't meet your high standards," Vanessa snapped back as she lets herself out of the car.

Charity exhaled out a half hour's worth of sighs before exiting the car so as to avoid any further backchat from Vanessa.

The ladies followed the maître d' to their table and Vanessa promptly ordered wine.

"A bottle of pinot noir please."

"Ness, are you sure it will mix OK with your medication?"

"I'm just on over the counter paracetamol now, no codeine. Couple of glasses will be fine."

Charity nodded at the host and he left them with menus before he scurried away to send over their waiter.

The mood remained tense; almost adversarial. The waiter returned with the wine, opened the bottle and poured. The women placed their orders and Vanessa began to fiddle with her silverware in between sips of wine.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when you suggested an evening out."

"I came very close to cancelling altogether. Maybe you'd have preferred that?"

Charity was left glaring at Vanessa who hadn't maintained eye contact for more than half a second since the beginning of the night.

"Maybe I would have. So, go on then. Why didn't you just cancel on me?"

Vanessa finally turned directly to Charity and scowled, "I didn't cancel because I need answers about something. Something I think I remembered, only, it's so upsetting, I'm sure it must be a kind of false memory my neuro warned me about."

"What is it you think you remembered?" asked Charity, unprepared for what was coming.

"Last night, when you got into it with that punter and you pushed him down…" Vanessa looked away for a moment to steel herself, "… I thought I remembered you pushing me down and me falling to the ground and hurting my wrist."

Charity's face sank as she immediately recognized the moment Vanessa was relaying.

"Surely, I wouldn't be with someone who was abusive towards me. I've got it in me to put up with a lot of nonsense but being degraded like that? No way. So please tell me that what feels like it really happened was just an illusion. My mind playing tricks on me. Please tell me it's not the truth."

Charity stared down at the table, unable to look Vanessa in the eye, and considered how her luck could get any worse. Of all the memories she made together with Vanessa, _that_ is what's crept its way back into her brain?

"Charity!?" Vanessa yelped wanting an answer.

"Your mind isn't playing tricks on you," Charity whispered with a hollowness in her voice. "It did happen."

Vanessa was shocked. Shaking her head in disbelief, "How?... Why?"

Still staring down into her wine glass, Charity lamented, "You know, the one silver lining to your accident was that you could forget about what happened to me all those years ago. Being on the streets, getting groomed by Bails, getting raped by Bails and his sleazy mates. I might've even been envious of you for a hot minute. It would be so nice to just erase that bit of my life from my memory."

Unable to connect how her possible memory is related to Charity's history, Vanessa furrowed her brow and waited for Charity to elaborate.

Charity returned her gaze directly back to Vanessa.

"I can offer you some context Vanessa, but, it won't change the fact that I'm sorry for what I did. I _swear_ to you, I apologized when it happened, and I apologize again now."

Vanessa could see Charity's eyes turning red with tears prompting her to say, "I don't want to make you talk about things that you don't want to talk about. But, if you could just help me understand."

Nodding her head, Charity began to explain.

"You know about Tracy and her case against Phil Webb?"

"Yeah, she told me about it, and about Bails' involvement."

"Right. So when Phil was sent down, I was sat with Tracy watching the news on the telly. It's how I found out that Bails was the copper who handled her case. Tracy thought he was brilliant. I was thunderstruck that a perv like him was handling a case like hers. She saw I was off but I passed off my mood on Bails having been the one who sent me down for the Home Farm fire."

"So, she didn't know straight away how far back your history really went with him?"

"No. She had no idea about that, but I guess I didn't hide beneath my armor as well as I'd thought 'cause she sent you over to check up on me. I asked you to go. You was fishing around for why I was upset and all I gave you was guff. You and your stupid talking. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to forget."

Taking another sip of wine for courage, Charity continued as Vanessa hung on to Charity's every word.

"I was crying and you and your rubbish detective skills concluded that what happened to Tracy was upsetting because something similar must have happened to me. So you suggested I go talk to DI Bails so he could help me out."

This information pushed all the air out of Vanessa's lungs and she closed her eyes realizing what an incredible blunder she had made.

"I explained to you that I couldn't very well report the man who raped me to the man who had actually raped me. You still had your facts mixed up. You didn't know this had all happened when I was a kid. You thought it was when he arrested me for the fire."

Charity was reliving the moment now as clearly as Vanessa had the night before and her chest heaved as she cried through her retelling of the rest of the moment.

"I couldn't tell you what happened to me. I didn't want to. I just wanted to leave it, so I told you to keep Tracy away from Bails and I tried to leave. I was done talking but you weren't. You followed me out the hallway pleading with me to talk more and I just wanted you out of my space. You were right behind me. I turned around and I pushed my arms out to get you to back off. It all happened so fast. You fell. It was just a shove. I _never _meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I kept pressing you to talk about something you didn't want to."

Regaining her composure, Charity insisted, "Don't you dare apologize. It wasn't alright what I did and please, _please_ believe me when I say that is not who I am, that is not who _we_ are."

"Of course I believe you," said Vanessa, and she meant it.

"You were so incredible Vanessa, you have no idea. I still tried to push you away after that, figuratively. It was the first time in my life that somebody made me feel like it was OK to _not be_ OK. At that point, the flood gates were open and I told you most of my sordid story. How I got into prostitution, how Bails used to look out for me, at first. How he eventually locked me up. How he beat me. I kept waiting for you to run out in horror but you just held me and for the first time in my life, I felt like maybe what happened wasn't all my fault."

"Of course it wasn't your fault!" Vanessa felt contrite for believing Charity might have hurt her on purpose. "I'm sorry I thought the worst. I didn't….. I didn't want that memory to be real but, I see sense now. I get it and I know you would never do anything to purposefully hurt me."

Charity stared at Vanessa with a doleful look on her face.

"That's not true."

"What's not true?" asked Vanessa.

"Well, if that one memory came back, I reckon others might too so, I best confess all my sins."

Charity takes another sip from her wine glass. Then, deciding it might be best to maximize the anesthesia, she takes two more gulps to finish it off.

"I did do something to hurt you. On purpose. Emotionally, anyway."

"Look, I'm not a magistrate and you're not on trial. You don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want to."

"I'm not telling you this to throw myself at your mercy, and, I'm not telling you to make you feel responsible for my bad behavior. If your brain is starting to unscramble, I'd rather you have some context for whatever bits and pieces worm their way back into your memory."

"Fair enough."

"You wanted me to report Bails. You thought I'd get some justice and I tried to explain to you that I didn't want to go after him. I didn't want to risk him wanting revenge. I was on edge but you kept pushing and I asked you to leave, again, and this time you obliged. Only you still didn't listen to me, 'cause you called the police and reported my crime for me."

"I didn't?"

"You did."

Vanessa, exasperated with herself, could only reply with, "Oh God," as she placed her elbows on the table and her head in her hands.

"What's wrong? Is it your head? Do you need your medicine now?"

"My head doesn't hurt from the accident, just maybe from my own imprudence. I don't need my meds but maybe another bottle of wine." With that Vanessa flagged down the waiter and ordered another bottle.

Charity continued, "You are occasionally presumptuous."

"I can't remember why I thought it was my business to report him but hopefully, I was just trying to help."

"Of course you were and hindsight is 20/20 but at the time, well, it was really bad Vanessa. I was really, really upset when I found out you'd reported it. Everything was so raw, all those things I told you that had been bottled up for years; it was like somebody ripped open old scars. I was hurting as it was and then you…. You were the only person I told, the only one I trusted. I was angry at myself and I was even more angry with you. I walked out 'cause honestly, I couldn't bear to look at you."

Just then, the waiter arrived with and opened the second bottle of wine. Once he left, Charity continued.

"You came 'round to apologize but also to tell me yet again that I needed to report Bails. You were angry at him and I was angry at you. You were listening to me Vanessa but, you weren't hearing me. You didn't really understand how I felt and as much as you did know, you had no idea about Ryan at that point. I felt cornered. You wanted me to do something I didn't want to do and I responded like I always had. I lashed out. I broke it off with you. I threatened you figuring it was the only way I was gonna make myself clear. As God is my witness, I would have never touched a hair on you but it was the only way to get rid of you."

Now, it was Vanessa who poured herself more wine looking to numb herself from the disturbing information she was learning.

"Most normal people would just pack it in at threats but ….I'm not normal. So I figured I'd try it on with some bloke who happened to be at the bar and Megan didn't burn any daylight ringing you up to tell ya. You being a glutton for punishment came back to sniff around. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to rub your nose in just how quickly I was able to forget you only, you didn't know just before you got there that I'd gone full psychopath on him and tossed him out before anything happened. I just wanted you to believe you meant so little to me that I could move on in a snap."

Pondering another sip but then pushing the glass away, Charity finished her thought.

"The look on your face. I couldn't turn away from you quick enough and I could hear you crying. I reckon that hurt you even worse than the shove and I've never apologized for that. I am so sorry."

"I don't get it. You didn't have to tell me that, and, you could have just let me believe that push was a figment of my imagination. Why are you being so…. honest?"

"I spent decades hiding things away, lying to cover up dark truths. You and I may have gone through some stormy weather to get where we are now, but I never want to live under that cloud again. You're my light at the end of the tunnel and I'll never go back. So, are you sure you still want to be sat across from me after everything I've told you? I mean, it's pretty much the worst of it aside from the occasional verbal jab and my usual stroppy demeanor which frankly, I think you find appealing."

"I'm sure. You see I actually reached into my pocket this morning for me phone so I could text you and cancel tonight. But, then I found these."

Vanessa reached into the jacket she had pulled from their closet the day before and pulled out some random bits of paper written on post-its, torn journal paper and the like.

Charity's mouth drops open in surprise. "Babe! You saved my naughty notes?"

"Is that what they're called? I wasn't really sure what to make of them."

Charity, welcoming an opportunity to change the mood, smiled at the pile of papers in front of her and sorting through it, she mentioned, "There's a lot more where these came from but you must of gone and saved the "best of" Charity's naughty notes. I write them to you sometimes to keep you entertained on your walk to surgery."

"Naughty notes? Not sure that's how I would describe them." Vanessa starts thumbing through them. "Let's see, ah yes,

_You've got a great ass, heart sign, Charity."_

"They can be factual and naughty at the same time," Charity states with a smile.

"OK, how about this one?

_Roses are red,_

_violets are blue_

_Please scrape off the muck,_

_stuck on your shoe."_

"Well, OK, they're not always naughty, sometimes just wishful thinking."

"And this one?

_Pick a fresh flower_

_Jump In a lake_

_Your snoring last night_

_Kept me awake"_

Laughing at how hilarious she is, Charity giggles, "They can't all be winners Vanessa. I'm glad you kept these. Here I thought your pockets were full of sheep droppings."

"I'm glad I kept them too. I don't normally believe in kismet but, maybe me keeping all these was a way to leave a reminder to myself. You know, like mementos from the past? I don't know, I probably sound daft."

"Not at all." Charity points to Vanessa's engagement ring. "That trinket on your finger should also serve as a relic from the past. Though, it's also meant to be a symbol of our future ….if you still want a future with me that is."

"You told me to have faith that _I_ made the choice, the _right_ choice, to be with you. I have to be willing to let the good memories back in. Not just have bad ones forced upon me so, I can't make any promises but I want to try, you know, to get to know you the way I did before my brains got scrambled."

Charity is chuffed now. Beaming with her smile, "Good. That's great actually. Thank you for giving me a chance to explain things and thank you for being willing to try."

Apprehensively, Vanessa pointed out, "I'm not ready to move back to the pub just yet."

"S'fine. Absolutely fine. I'm patient. Well, not really but for you, I will be. What do you say we look at a few more of these naughty notes; see if they don't trigger memories of better times?"

"I'd like that."

"Lets have a look at this one then…."

The women enjoyed sorting through the many notes as their first course arrived and a mellow and more tender mood permeated the air.


	11. Il Secondo e Dolce

Chapter 11: Il Secondo e Dolce

By the time the second course arrived, the women were deep in conversation. The discussion was punctuated with warm banter and frequent laughs as Charity recounted various bits and pieces of their history together.

"It all sounds very exciting; fancy parties, attempted murder mysteries, providing false alibis. I promise not to go perverting the course of justice anymore then."

"Please Vanessa, your word is about as solid as a snowflake in summer."

"Beg your pardon?"

"Well, you _promised_ not to interfere with me, Ryan and Irene and you didn't keep your word. And…." Charity had to take a deep breath before reminding Vanessa of her worst broken promise. Clearing her throat, "… and, you promised me you would _never_ put me through the fear of losing you again after the stabbing. Clearly, that one didn't stick either."

Vanessa didn't know how to respond. She was self-aware enough not to debate her propensity to meddle. Furthermore, she knew there was no defense for her reckless behavior. Charity had no idea how much time Vanessa had spent beating herself up about how irresponsible she was. Desperate to change the topic, Vanessa used the clunkiest of segues.

"Speaking of promises, I did promise to try to understand more about us, didn't I? So maybe we could go all the way back to the beginning. Talk about how we took an interest in each other? I'm not really your type, am I?" Vanessa asked though it was more a statement than a question.

"My type? Babe, please tell me you're not about to make the obvious joke about having a pulse and a wallet."

"Nooo, I just mean, we'd known each other for years without passing a second glance."

Charity nodded and smiled.

"Pass me that green note all folded up." Vanessa obliged, Charity unfolded the paper and read it out loud.

_"It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; - it is disposition_  
_ alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted_  
_ with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.  
– Jane Austen"_

Vanessa, flummoxed by the ongoing assault on everything she thought she knew about the landlady, and awe-struck by the version of the beauty that sat before her commented, "The Charity that quotes literature isn't exactly the one on display for the village, is it?"

Charity responded sheepishly, "I wrote this particular note one morning after we talked about not noticing each other beyond the surface and how funny it was that after being acquaintances all that time, it turned into something pretty damn spectacular."

Vanessa responded in a slightly mocking tone.

"That's dead romantic that is. And also, a little bit Twilight Zone for me. Rhona told me things started off with us after spending a night together but, I still don't get how that happened. How did we, you know, go there?"

"Well, short version: we got locked up in the pub cellar with not much to do but sample the whiskey."

"Can I get the longer version?"

Charity explained, "Locked in the cellar, too much whiskey ….you telling home truths, ….me wanting to shut you up, …..so I kissed you."

Vanessa looked into Charity's eyes clearly wanting to learn more.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Charity continued as she turned to stare at nothing in particular. "It was the night of Finn's funeral, you were calling me names, I was being my usual charming self, hurling insults at Frank and Megan. You were as drunk as a skunk. And mean. Not very good at it mind you but, you had some choice words for me and followed me down into the cellar to give me an earful. The door lock was busted and we got stuck down there. So I tried to catch up to you a bit as you were already three sheets to the wind. We drank. Made small talk. You kept tossing your little daggers, none of which pierced my armor."

Turning back to look Vanessa in the eyes, "But I didn't want to hear it anymore, so I kissed you, and I waited for you to slap me or recoil in horror at the very least, but you didn't. So, I kissed you again and you kissed me back and, well…. you're a very good kisser Vanessa. Much better at kissing than being a nasty slur monger."

Vanessa was left to ponder the scene Charity painted for her and just the thought of being kissed by Charity sent a tingle through her body.

"I reckon you knew deep down that you fancied the ladies, so, I was sort of your opportunity to explore and experiment."

Vanessa suspected Charity was dead right in her assessment and began to think out loud about all the things she thought she knew and all the things she had learned tonight.

"I'm trying to reconcile the person who wrote these notes, who my son adores, and who by all accounts makes me very happy with the person who conspired with Megan to get my Dad sent down, and barred my best friend from her pub, and threw herself at her ex the moment she sniffed out a bit of trouble between him and his wife."

Charity shifted uneasily in her chair and Vanessa quickly followed up.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to drag up the past. I'm just trying to explain how it feels to not understand the present. It's hard to describe. I sort of feel like I was robbed, only, no one came and took my purse and jewelry. It's my memories that got stolen. My little boy who used to trip over words and talk about going to the animal hos-ti-pole can say 'hospital' clear as day now and I don't remember when that happened. My sister must have needed my support after splitting with David but, I can't for the life of me remember a single word of encouragement I might have offered. And apparently, I fell in love with a strong, beautiful, gobby woman and it's infuriating that I can't remember even a crumb of what that felt like."

Taking a moment to process the compliment, Charity gently appeals, "Ness, I wish you had told me all this stuff before."

"What good would it do? What good does it do now? Besides, I only have myself to blame."

"How is any of this your fault?"

"Well I don't exactly think things through, do I? What was I expecting was gonna happen running into a burning stable? I have a child. I have a family that needs me. I have business partners who need me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I did this to them, and, I'm sorry I did this to you."

"Vanessa, please stop. You runnin' in to save the lives of those horses was about the most 'Vanessa' thing you could have done. You are bossy and impulsive, and the most altruistic person I know. You're just not one to deliberate over things much, but there is no one better in a crisis. You just want to protect everything you love, and you love your job and you love those damn animals and I will _**conk**_ you on the head myself if you ever do something so stupid again, but, don't blame yourself for what's happened. You may be impetuous but you're not daft and I know you never would have run in there if you thought there was _any_ chance you'd get hurt."

Vanessa still looked regretful, so Charity endeavored to spotlight happier memories.

"I can't imagine what it's like to not remember so much of your life but I'm happy to fill in the blanks for you all day long. We could talk about the picnics you organize for our little crew, or our incredibly poor choice of beach vacation destinations, or me sprinting after you late at night on account of your total indifference towards me."

"Oh, give over. As if."

Charity raised one eyebrow as she confirmed, "Vanessa. I _literally_ chased you down the street."

Vanessa was amused. "Are you taking the mick?"

Charity could only pout as she began to spin her spoon in circles on the table.

"Oh, don't frown, I just, I can't picture Charity Dingle chasing anyone down the street let alone me. C'mon, let me pour you another glass of wine to make it up to you."

Covering the top of her glass, "Best cut myself off here so I can drive us both home."

"More for me then," bubbled Vanessa giving herself a healthy pour as Charity looked on confounded.

"I've never met someone with such a poor concept of their own stature. You pick fights with men twice your size and you drink like an entire rugby team out on a bender. My next note to you shall read:

_Though she be but little, she is fierce._

Shakespeare must have met you in a previous life."

Charity couldn't stop herself from smiling at Vanessa as she thought of the many reasons Vanessa was so special to her.

"You know, it's not just your spunk that I found appealing. You are nothing like anyone I've ever been with. You don't ask me to twist myself into some odd shape for your affection. I used to think it was my destiny to keep spinning around this carousel of misery, making one bad decision after another. Confusing lust and obsession with love, thinking money and power were more important than my own autonomy. I thought those things would make me happy and sure, they gave me fleeting moments of feeling OK but then, the carousel kept turning and inevitably, I had to give something up to keep the plates spinning. I'd end up out on the streets or in jail or thinking I was so useless that I just wanted to disappear. You helped me see I could write my own story, fill the pages of my book as I see fit. It's nice being with someone who takes me as I am. The good, the bad and the uh… well, I don't really do ugly." Charity boasted curling the ends of her hair.

Charity's words were like an elixir for Vanessa's heart. The candlelight drew Vanessa's gaze to Charity's green eyes and the other tables with their chatter faded away. The vet focused on Charity's fingertips, twirling curls nervously. Charity, meanwhile, was completely unaware of the aphrodisiacal effect it was having on her fiancée. The copious amount of wine Vanessa had consumed by now had her smiling more broadly than she was aware.

The waiter interrupted the moment with the dessert menus.

"Dessert per le signore?"

Vanessa responded first.

"I couldn't eat, or drink, another thing. But if you want something sweet, go right ahead."

"No, I think it's best we call it a night. Just the bill please."

"Right away."

Charity wasn't sure she would find Vanessa in such an agreeable mood again anytime soon, so she decided to leave her with some food for thought.

"You won't remember, but I told you once I would fight for you, and I meant it. I'm not gonna give up Vanessa. I need you too much and everything is better with you in my life. You remind me every day that what's really important is love. That's really all we've got in the end."

Vanessa reached out to hold Charity's hand and for the first time in days, Charity felt they were back on track.

Vanessa was much better company on the ride home after drinking a full bottle of wine. Charity pulled up to Tug Ghyll optimistic about the days ahead as Vanessa continued to stammer.

"Dinner was ab-solutely eh-lectable…. duh-tectable… dee…. dee…."

"Delectable?" asked Charity on Vanessa's behalf.

"It was yummy!" Vanessa exclaimed with a rising inflection emphasizing the last word. Charity usually found uptalk irritating but when a sozzled Vanessa did it, she thought it was adorable.

Charity considered her fiancée's tipsy state. "Maybe I should walk you to the door."

"Aww, that's very frivolous of you."

"Hmmmm. I hope you mean chivalrous so, yeah I'm definitely gonna walk you to the door."

Charity swiftly opened her door, made her way around to Vanessa's side of the car and helped her up the few steps to the front door. Vanessa was digging through her purse for the keys and no quicker did she have them in hand when she promptly dropped them to the ground.

"Why don't I just help you inside." Charity offered as she picked up the keys and helped open the front door.

Once inside, Charity helped Vanessa off with her jacket and hung it on a hook in the entryway. Vanessa stood at the foot of the stairs feeling giddy, anxious, excited and a bit queasy though she couldn't pinpoint if the queasy bit was on account of the wine or in anticipation of whatever was going to come next.

"Right then. Safe and sound. Hope I didn't keep you out too late and I hope you sleep well."

"I'm sure I will. I had a really nice time Charity. I'm glad we did this."

"Me too. Me too."

Vanessa could not bear the awkwardness of the situation and she knew there was no way Charity was going to do anything to make her feel pressured. Opening her arms up for a hug, Vanessa decided to take charge.

"Come here."

Charity closed the gap between them and they embraced. Charity held Vanessa as intimately as one would expect a woman to hold her fiancée and she relished the familiarity of how Vanessa's body felt against her own. Charity breathed her in filling her lungs with the smell of Vanessa's hair, memorizing how comforting it felt to have Vanessa's hands wrapped around her back and shoulder.

Vanessa couldn't resist the urge to run her fingers through Charity's hair and this elicited an immediate surge of heat to the landlady's stomach. Knowing she would soon be overwhelmed with the desire to want more than a simple cuddle, Charity began to pull back, running her hands down Vanessa's arm as she fought her own desire but knew she ought to go.

She smiled at Vanessa and her left hand dropped as Vanessa caught Charity's right hand with her own. Charity rubbed her thumb over the top of Vanessa's hand, turned and began to step away but Vanessa never let go of her. Suddenly, Charity felt herself being tugged back towards Vanessa only this time Vanessa raised her other hand towards Charity's face and pulled her in for a kiss.

The women held the kiss for just a few seconds and came apart with a snap. Vanessa was afraid to look directly at Charity for a moment but Charity's eyes were fixated on Vanessa. Whatever principles were driving Charity to tread lightly before were all but forgotten at that moment. The space between them felt wrong and it had been so damn long since Charity kissed the woman who was to be her wife. Her wife. Certainly, Charity reasoned, I should be allowed to kiss my wife and with that, Charity raised her hands up to Vanessa's cheeks and pulled her in for another kiss. More passionate this time and Vanessa responded immediately by raising her arms back up and around Charity's waist while moving her backwards until she was braced against the wall. Mouths open now, it quickly became intense as tongues crashed against each other and Vanessa moaned as she felt sparks of electricity run through her chest, down her back, and into her core.

Hands were everywhere as tongues grazed lips and fought each other for position. Their bodies were not close enough for Charity's needs and she wrapped one arm around Vanessa's lower back and the other around her neck and pulled her in even closer. Charity slid her tongue over Vanessa's then sucked at it, smooth and warm and tasting of wine.

_Tasting of wine._

Charity regained her senses as a pang of guilt struck her chest and she ended the kiss, resting her forehead against Vanessa's, wanting more than anything to kiss her more, touch her more, show her what it felt like to be loved completely but she knew she had to stop.

"I can't. I can't," she lamented through heavy breath. "I've got to go. I should go."

Using whatever momentum she had, Charity left Vanessa at the foot of the steps and went out the front door. Vanessa listened to her own heavy breathing as it was almost drowned out by the sound of her heart which felt like it might beat right out of her chest.

Vanessa raised her hand to her lips and smiled.

_My first goodnight kiss with a woman. Or maybe my thousandth but either way, I've never felt so alive._


	12. Manchester - Part I

Chapter 12: Manchester - Part One

The next morning, Charity stood in the pub, fixated on her phone. She was certain if she stared at the screen long enough, just the right words would come to her to text to Vanessa. She had already typed and deleted seven different messages, none of which properly conveyed her state of mind and all of which sounded like pure drivel.

On the precipice of giving up entirely, she lifted her head to find Vanessa standing on the other side of the bar with a smile on her face.

"Hiya!"

"Good Morning?" Charity asked.

"Not according to the throbbing in my head its not. I was hoping you could pour me a cup of coffee so I might create the illusion I'm awake."

"Sure." Charity remained at a loss for words as she tried to assess the situation.

She promptly poured Vanessa a cup and placed it on the counter.

"Thank you. Glass half full, I'm pretty sure this headache is from all the wine I drank last night and NOT from my concussion."

"Here's to small victories." Charity watched Vanessa carefully as she took a few sips from the cup. "So, how's your short-term memory then? Is last night a bit of a blur?"

"Not at all. We had a nice time, didn't we? I mean, I know I was a bit surly at first. Sorry."

"It's fine. Understandable." Hesitantly, Charity asked, "Just so I'm clear, you're not, um, upset…. about…. you know."

"The fly in my soup?"

"There was a fly in your soup?!"

Vanessa couldn't help laughing. "No, you daft ninny. I assume you mean your rapid departure?"

Taken aback by Vanessa's mocking, Charity grumbled, "I'm not saying I was up half the night worried you'd be upset with me for leaving, but," and then, realizing she apparently had no reason to be concerned, she whined, "I was up _**half the night**_ worried that you were upset with me for leaving!"

"Why would I be? I was drunk, you didn't want to take advantage. End of."

Charity crossed her arms, relieved that the bust-up she anticipated wasn't going to happen. "Lovely. Maybe I'll join you for a cuppa then. Lord knows I'm gonna need it after my sleepless night."

"Awww, I'm sorry. I don't know why you thought I'd be upset but, for the record, the evening ended on a high note, for me at least."

"Well, I'll drink to that."

Charity poured herself a cup of coffee and just as she returned the jug to the hot plate, Vanessa's phone vibrated and beeped.

"That's my notification tone. I know I've got an appointment with my doctor later, but I already got that reminder."

Vanessa opened the notifications on her mobile and clicked on the first one.

"WWD Manchester – Saturday – 3pm." Vanessa looked up at Charity in hopes she could provide a clue. "I've got no idea what that means."

Charity brought her hands together with a pained expression and explained, "Oh, babe! I totally forgot. We got tickets for you, me and the boys to see the Walking With Dinosaurs Show."

"What is that?"

"It's this show where life-size T-Rexes prance about the stage with all kinds of sound effects and whatnot. Tickets were already sold out in Leeds by the time we got around to ordering, so we promised Moz and Johnny we'd take them to the Manchester show and make a weekend of it. We've booked a hotel and dinner reservations, promised the boys freakshakes, the full Monty."

Vanessa pressed her tongue to her top lip as she considered the implications of going on a mini-holiday with Charity and their little ones, unaware her contemplation caused her brow to furrow and her eyes to dart about like she was looking for a panic button to hit.

Reading the anxiety on Vanessa's face, Charity remarked, "Look, if you don't want to go it's OK. I'm happy to take the boys myself, or, we can just skip it and cancel. The show is sold out so I'm sure we can find someone to take the tickets off our hands."

"No. No, I don't want to disappoint them. We should go. We should all go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. I feel like my life has been 'on hold' since I got out of the hospital and I'm getting bored with it. Change of scenery might be just what the doctor ordered."

"Alright. Good. How about tomorrow, I'll swing by Tug Ghyll around half past twelve, just to be sure we have enough time. There's a lot of construction on the M62."

"I'll have a bag packed. I should get back to bring Johnny to nursery. Would you like me to take Moses for ya?"

"No, ta. I'm going to bring him myself later when I run some errands. Good luck at your doctor's appointment. Text me if he manages to reboot your system."

"You'll be the first to know if he does."

Later that day, the follow-up visit with Dr. O'Hara yielded little in the way of a breakthrough. Vanessa told the doctor about the one memory she did recall and the circumstances under which she remembered it. He declared her recollection to be encouraging news and assured her it was reason to be optimistic that other memories might soon make their way back to her consciousness.

Vanessa left her appointment disappointed and hoping for more suggestions on how to unlock the rest of her memory, but the consultation felt mostly like a therapy session. She discussed the upcoming trip to Manchester with Dr. O'Hara and they worked through why she was feeling conflicted about it.

She wondered if the Charity whose company she enjoyed the night before was really the same one she agreed to marry. She was still wary because the last reliable memory she had related to Charity was full of anger and animosity towards the landlady. The last specific thing Vanessa could remember Charity doing was flaunting the fact that there was no hard evidence that she was in on the scam she pulled with Megan to hurt Frank.

Despite all current evidence to the contrary, the Charity she knew wasn't attentive, considerate or nice. _Nice! _The word hurt Vanessa's ears as it came out of her mouth but this new Charity, or at least new to Vanessa, _was_ nice. It didn't make much sense, but Vanessa felt Charity was being sincere yet not genuine.

Maybe Manchester was an opportunity to find out why.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon when Charity arrived at Tug Ghyll. She tossed Vanessa's packed bag and Johnny's backpack in the boot and everyone buckled in for the ride.

About ten minutes into the trip, Charity checked on their ETA.

"The sat-nav shows we should make good time. If we get there early, maybe we could squeeze in a bit of extra fun at the park or do some shopping?"

Vanessa had something else in mind though.

"Actually, I was hoping we could go to this _Music of the '90s_ retrospective at the museum. They've got a documentary about S Club 7 I'd love to see."

"Music from the 90s qualifies for its own spot in the museum? God we're old. But sure, if time permits, should be good for a laugh."

Vanessa grinned to herself and decided to push things a bit further.

"Also, the costume wing is having a knitting exhibition. They've got a few pieces on display from the 19th century that use the midge and fly pattern. I'd love to see it."

Charity eyes flew wide open. She immediately felt Vanessa's eyes on her, so she put on a fake smile.

"Sounds great." Nodding with enthusiasm, she added, "So glad to see you haven't forgotten your love of woolly jumpers babe."

Vanessa looked out the window not wanting Charity to see her rolling her eyes. She decided to go for broke.

"Maybe if there's time after the show, we could go back to see the collection of 18th century veterinary tools in the science wing. I hear they've got a castration clamp that dates back to 1782."

Charity could not hide her look of revulsion and horror.

"Have you lost your mind woman?" She took one hand off the wheel to emphasize her next point. "Wait, never mind. I know the answer to that one. You have _literally_ lost your mind. I'm sorry, we are _not_ taking these boys to see ancient animal torture devices. Jesus Flippin' Christ!"

Calmly, Vanessa added, "They'd have to be at least 1500 years old to be considered ancient. They're just antiques."

Charity would have continued her perplexed stare at Vanessa forever but turned her head back to the road ahead. Then turned back to look at Vanessa looking at her, deadpan. Then back to the road, and once more, back to Vanessa.

"Wait a minute. You're taking the piss?"

"I just wanted to see at what point Charity Dingle was going to return to the room."

"What are you on about?"

"Charity, I appreciate that you've been treating me with kid-gloves. But, it's not helping me get my memories back. I'm not gonna wilt like a flower in the sun if you treat me a little less delicately."

"I see, so, you're blaming me now for not being able to get your head straight on account of me being too… _nice_?"

"No, I'm not blaming you. I'm sayin' you don't have to be so solicitous all the time. I feel like I'm not with the real you. However you were with me before my concussion; that's how I want you to be with me now."

Vanessa could see Charity was perturbed.

"Dr. O'Hara said inspiration favors the prepared mind."

"I see. So your psychotherapist told you my caring and concerned behavior is keeping your memories from coming back?"

"He's a neuro-psychologist and no, that's not what he said at all. He thinks it's a good sign that I remembered something and that the rest of my lost memories are like cats. They don't always come when called but they can be coaxed. I need to live my life as normally as possible. That's why I'm taking this trip with you. I want things to be like they were before and hopefully, it help's me get my memory back."

Charity finally understood what Vanessa was getting at.

"OK. Gloves come off then. You shall get the full snarky version of Charity Dingle from now on."

"That's all I ask."

"In that case, we're not going to the bloomin' museum. Instead, we'll go straight to the arena and load the boys up with candy floss. They're gonna need the sugar high since they'll be skipping naptime."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll have a large popcorn and Coke."

"You can have whatever you like, after all, _you're_ buying."


	13. Manchester - Part II (NSFW)

Chapter 13: Manchester - Part Two (NSFW)

Between the sugar high and the spectacularly large and realistic T-Rex, the boys were jumping out of their seats during the show. Even Charity and Vanessa enjoyed the show, mainly because they couldn't stop staring at their boys looking so happy, not to mention each other. The lights and sound were a bit much for Vanessa by the end though, and she was ready for the quieter setting of the restaurant where everyone enjoyed their dinner.

The boys were knackered by early evening and the four made their way to the hotel to check in for the night. Charity looked up her reservation number on her phone as she approached the front desk.

"I'll have my reservation confirmation pulled up in just a second."

The cheerful clerk at the front desk took note of the women and their two tired looking boys. "No need. My name is Aiden and I'm happy to look up your reservation with your name."

"Dingle. Charity Dingle. Two rooms."

Vanessa breathed an internal sigh of relief upon hearing they had booked two rooms. Until that moment, she was not sure what sort of accommodations to expect.

"Just a moment. Yes, I have it right here. We have two adjoining rooms consisting of one king guest room and one twin guest room."

Charity turned to Vanessa. "Do you and Johnny have a preference for one or the other? I believe amongst the four of us, it is actually you who does the most kicking and duvet stealing."

"Very funny. Makes no difference to me."

Moses had something to say about the decision. "Mummy, you said Johnny and I could build a pillow fort in our room. You stay with Nessa like you always do. I wanna sleep with Johnny in our fort."

"Oh, baba. You and Johnny can make a fort next time we go away ok?"

"No!" Moses whined.

Vanessa could see Johnny was giving her the evil eye as Moses continued to pout. Charity tried to negotiate with him.

"How about when we get back to the village, Johnny can have a sleepover in your room at the pub and you can build a fort in there?"

"No!"

Moses was ready to make a scene and Johnny stayed silent, but he also began to pout, and his lower lip started to quiver. Vanessa quickly surmised he was about to go into full meltdown mode.

"Charity, why don't you and I take the twin room and the boys can make their fort in the King room?"

A bit in shock that Vanessa suggested it, and having very mixed feelings about sharing a room with her fiancée who had no recollection of the mind-blowing sex they routinely had, Charity asked, "Are you sure? I know you don't want to disappoint the boys, but they'll get over it."

"I'm sure. It'll be fine. No point in getting all worked up. I mean the boys, no point in the boys getting all worked up."

The clerk had Charity sign some paperwork and handed her two key cards.

They took the lift to their rooms and the boys changed into their pajamas quickly and brushed their teeth. Pillows from the bed and the small sofa in the room were quickly assembled into a fort to accommodate the boys as well as their new furry friends, Buddha the Utahraptor and Timothy the Torosaurus.

Charity bent down to quietly remind the boys of the ground rules. "Moz, remember, it's your job to protect Johnny, and Johnny, it's your job to make sure Moz doesn't run around your fort all night. Mummy and I will be just through the door in the other room. OK?"

Johnny nodded 'yes' to Charity and she gave both boys a kiss goodnight.

Vanessa was tickled at how happy and well-behaved the boys had been all afternoon and evening. "May I have the honor of tucking the two of you in?"

Johnny corrected her in a whisper, "Four of us mummy. Tuck in Buddha and Timothy too."

"Four fellas! Of course." The two tiny humans and two tinier plush toys were all properly tucked in and Vanessa and Charity shut the door between the adjoining rooms quietly after saying a final goodnight.

Vanessa walked over to the bed closest to the window where she had thrown her bag. "Do you mind if I use the bathroom first? I'm really exhausted and just want to brush up and go to bed."

"It's half past eight. How tired can you be?" Then, remembering that Vanessa had mentioned the lights and noise from the show had made her feel poorly, she pointed at her head. "Sorry, I forgot about this whole thing. Go on, I'm in no rush and not particularly tired."

Vanessa went to the bathroom, locked the door, placed her hands over her face and exhaled. She wondered if Charity had noticed how often she snuck a peek at her during the show or if the dozen stolen glances during dinner had truly gone unnoticed. How had she found herself in a hotel room, with her very hot fiancée, nervous about merely sleeping in the same room with her? She wanted normalcy and surely, when they booked this trip and the added expense of having their own room separate from the boys, it wasn't so they could sleep apart. She just couldn't imagine doing the 'normal' thing which would mean getting into bed with Charity. At this moment, she couldn't think of anything more awkward than doing just that.

She looked at herself in the mirror and wondered which of the two options she brought with her to sleep in she should put on. Eventually, she decided the solid pink tank top that went with the cotton star print bottoms were a better choice than the silky camisole and matching shorts. Something about the lace trim on the camisole seemed too flirty and suggestive and though she hated herself for it, she saw the rest of the night as something she just needed to get through right now.

"You are definitely overthinking this Vanessa," she muttered to herself under her breath. She changed, brushed her teeth and ran a comb through her hair. She was neither tired nor feeling poorly at all. Still, upon exiting the bathroom, she made a beeline for the bed figuring if she could just slip under the covers and close her eyes, the sun would be up soon enough.

Charity had been responding to some texts on her phone when Vanessa sprinted out of the bathroom and straight to bed. Her speedy retreat left Charity discouraged. Her expectations weren't high, but she had assumed that Vanessa might want a cheeky squeeze after saying their kiss from two nights before was the highlight of her evening. Charity picked up her weekend bag, looked back at Vanessa who was facing away from her, and didn't bother to hide the disappointment in her voice. "Sleep well Ness. I'll try to be quiet so you can rest."

Charity made quick work of her nighttime routine, put on her black button-down pajama set and slinked back to her bed. It was rather warm, so she pulled back the duvet and used only the thin flat sheet to cover herself. She thought about doing a crossword to quietly pass the time but the light over her bed was rather bright and she didn't want to keep Vanessa awake, so she turned it off. She plumped up the pillows, laid her head against them and stared at the ceiling, a gnawing passivity coming over her. The reward for a day spent with preschoolers was supposed to be a night of passion with her very fit fiancée. Instead, through no fault of her own, she was having a slumber party without so much as a game of spin the bottle.

Turning her head on the pillow, Charity looked to her left to see if Vanessa was stirring at all. With the lamp turned out, only a thin sliver of moonlight crept in from the window. Vanessa looked very peaceful as she lay in bed. Charity's eyes traced the curve of Vanessa's shoulder and bare arm before moving downward to the swell of her hip where her hand rested. She stared at Vanessa's hand and contemplated how her fingers wielded magical powers; the way they could tease, massage and stimulate the most sensitive of Charity's nerve endings.

Charity snapped her head back up to stare at the ceiling with an audible sigh. Between the early hour and her mind drifting to titillating places, slumber was nowhere to be found.

She turned back again to look at Vanessa, her hair resting on the pillow like champagne-colored silk. Suddenly, she was drawn to Vanessa like metal to a magnet. Charity sat up, tossed back the sheet and swung her legs over the side of her bed. One breath later, she was on her feet and crossed the small gap between her bed and Vanessa's. She stood over her in the darkness. No longer in control of her movements, she could not resist the temptation that lay in front of her.

Charity reached out her hand and ghosted her fingertips over Vanessa's shoulder and slowly down her arm. When fingertips touched fingers, Vanessa suddenly turned her hand over and held Charity's hand in place. The pace of Charity's breathing accelerated instantly, and she lowered herself down onto the bed, sliding her body behind Vanessa's. She pulled her hand from Vanessa's grip and ran her fingers back up Vanessa's arm and over her shoulder. She brushed Vanessa's hair off the pillow and nuzzled into the back of her neck.

Vanessa rolled over, first to her back and then to her side to face Charity. She tucked Charity's curls behind her ear with her fingers and moved closer to Charity until their lips met in a chaste kiss. The women looked into each other's eyes with desire, drinking each other in. Vanessa's hand ran through Charity's hair and she pulled her closer again, capturing her lips in a series of soft kisses as they both enjoyed the warmth that came from simply being in each other's space.

The kisses began to linger and grew more passionate until lips parted to make way for swiping tongues that turned up the heat throughout their bodies. Charity wrapped her right arm around Vanessa's back pulling her entire upper body into Vanessa's. She felt her sex begin to pulse in long rhythmic beats and it wasn't enough for Charity to feel her chest pressed tightly against Vanessa's, so she wrapped her right leg around Vanessa's lower body and began to rock into her as they continued to kiss forcefully.

Vanessa began to moan and Charity sensed they were both frustrated that only one arm could roam and grab. Charity broke the kiss for just a moment and pushed herself up with her left hand and swung her right leg over Vanessa's body wasting no time straddling her hips. Vanessa took a moment to enjoy the view but quickly grabbed at Charity's top pulling her down and Charity braced herself with her right hand and made immediate use of her now freed left hand to grab Vanessa's breast, squeezing it and confirming Vanessa's state of arousal as she felt a hard nipple beneath her fingertips. Vanessa wanted to wear Charity like a blanket, and she pulled her down completely, Charity complying instantly and lowering the full weight of her body onto Vanessa.

Vanessa held Charity's face along her jawline, wanting the kisses to be deeper, longer, wetter. Charity took a breath as she started to track kisses across Vanessa's cheek, to her ear, sucking on her earlobe and making quick time dropping kisses on bare skin down her neckline and on her collarbone and then continued over the tank top to her chest. Charity rubbed her cheek against Vanessa's breasts and kissed her nipples through her top, then made her way back up to Vanessa's lips to kiss her again and again until both women were left breathless. Forehead to forehead, trying to catch their breath, Vanessa was surprised by her own impatience as she told Charity, "I want to feel your skin on my skin."

Charity's eyelids had been heavy with lust but hearing Vanessa's words caused them to shoot open. For a moment, she thought maybe Vanessa had regained a particularly significant memory, but she quickly realized it was pure coincidence that Vanessa had just said to her the _exact same words _she said the first night they were together.

Charity did not deny Vanessa a moment's pleasure. She hastily got up on her knees and pulled her top up over her head rather than taking the time to seductively unbutton it. There was no need for seduction as Vanessa grew more desperate. Charity lowered herself again and Vanessa felt Charity's breasts graze over her own, but there was time for just one kiss before Vanessa lifted herself up just enough to begin to remove her tank top and with help from Charity, it came off in one single motion.

Charity got back down on Vanessa and kissed her again, hard. She knew what Vanessa needed and she began kissing her down her neck to the space between her chest before taking her entire left breast in her mouth, pulling up slowly and giving her nipple a small bite before releasing it. Vanessa was in ecstasy as she reached back to grab the pillow with one hand while holding Charity's face to her body with the other. She wanted Charity's tongue to cover every inch of her body.

Every moan and each heavy breath encouraged Charity to find a new place to lick; a different body part to suck. She worked Vanessa into a proper frenzy using her mouth, her tongue, her hands, her hair. If history was any guide, Vanessa was not going to last long as this was her second 'first' time. Charity snapped her head up so that her hair would cover Vanessa's chest and then she made her way down the length of Vanessa's body ever so slowly. Vanessa thought she might come just from the feeling of Charity's loose tendrils of hair tickling her breasts, and then stomach, as Charity dropped angel kisses down her body until she was low enough to remove her sleep shorts and underwear at the same time. She then made her way back up Vanessa's body using just the tip of her tongue to lick Vanessa's inner thigh all the way back up until she finally eased the ache between Vanessa's legs by using her tongue where Vanessa needed it most.

Charity ran her tongue over Vanessa's folds as her hands pushed Vanessa's legs apart. With greater access, Charity flicked her tongue over Vanessa's throbbing clit, then kissed it and sucked it. She continued to work her over like this for a few minutes alternating between fast vibrating patterns, slow forceful licks and entering her with her tongue. Charity would have gladly tasted her like this for an eternity, but she could tell that Vanessa was close to crumbling and she wanted Vanessa to come while in her embrace.

Charity wiped some of Vanessa's arousal from around her mouth using her shoulder and made her way back towards the headboard and Vanessa's eager lips. More passionate kissing ensued as Charity shifted her weight to one side and kept her body as close to Vanessa's as she could using her left hand to trace back down Vanessa's body, past her navel and back to her dripping wet core. She continued to kiss Vanessa's jawline and neck as she moved her three middle fingers gently over Vanessa's clit. First, her rigid fingers made a gentle circular pattern that pleasured every inch of Vanessa's body as she tensed and thrust her body up towards Charity's hand.

"Relax… try to slow down… open your legs wide." Charity encouraged as she set out to bring Vanessa to climax.

Vanessa was panting but focused on relaxing her tense body. She desperately tried to uncurl her toes and her legs fell to the side to allow Charity better access. She couldn't stop raising her hips up off the bed over and over, angling up against Charity's fingers to maximize the pressure that Charity was trying to withhold.

"Tell me what you want Ness."

Vanessa's rapid breath blew hot air into Charity's hair and each exhalation was paired with a rapid thrust up into Charity's fingers and she responded, "Inside, please. I want you inside of me."

Charity flattened her entire palm against Vanessa's clit and allowed her to gyrate against it for just a few moments before she moved her hand downward and slid two fingers into Vanessa's warmth and Vanessa responded with a loud moan as she clenched onto Charity's fingers and began to ride them at an even faster pace. Charity loved when Vanessa was frantic like this, but this wasn't just an exercise in pleasure and mutual affection. This was a decree from the only person whose opinion mattered that their history, their union, and their love for each other was real and something they both deserved. Vanessa knew that Charity might not be the perfect mother, the perfect landlady or the perfect person in general. But she accepted and loved the Charity that was perfectly herself.

Validation in hand, Charity tucked her head into Vanessa's neck and started to massage Vanessa's clit with her thumb as she moved curled fingers inside of Vanessa only to bring them slightly out again and repeat the motion over and over. Vanessa began bucking harder and faster and Charity knew it was time to bring Vanessa over the finish line. She pulled her fingers out slowly and immediately vibrated her middle three fingertips over Vanessa's clit with only the gentlest of pressure, but it was exactly what Vanessa needed to make her explode with pleasure.

"Oooh God. Charity… aaaah, don't stop," Vanessa screamed in ecstasy as she lost control and her body stiffened and then shuddered as her lower back lifted off the bed and pressed against Charity. Charity held Vanessa like she might fly into space if she didn't hug her as tightly as she could while Vanessa finished riding the waves of heat emanating out of her core and into every extremity of her body.

Vanessa was dizzy and gasping for air as the blood slowly started to pump towards other parts of her body that didn't still have Charity's hand pressing against them. The sound of Vanessa catching her breath was the sweetest music Charity had ever heard and she knew she was home.

Charity lifted her head so she could look into Vanessa's eyes. As soon as her eyes met Vanessa's, Vanessa brought her hand up to Charity's face and pulled her in for a brief but hard kiss. Charity tenderly removed her hand from between Vanessa's legs and Vanessa smiled at Charity.

"I've never been to _that_ place before."

Charity looked at Vanessa, certain that she never looked so beautiful and said, "Oh babe, you ain't seen 'nuthin yet."

The women kissed again, pausing on occasion to stroke each other's face, run fingers through each other's hair and simply cuddle into each other, only to return to more kissing. It wasn't as urgent as before, but it was still passionate, sometimes gentle, and always sensual. Their breathing slowed back to a regular pace and they closed their eyes to memorize exactly how they felt at this moment.

Vanessa stroked her fingers across Charity's back and encouraged her to nuzzle into her neck and rest her head. Slumber finally found them both as they entered a blissful state.


	14. Sunlight Through a Window

Chapter 14: Sunlight Through a Window 

"_You are sunlight through a window, which I stand in, warmed. My darling."_

_The Miniaturist_ by Jessie Burton

When she opened her eyes, Charity was immediately overcome by the bright sun that blasted its way through the tiny gap in the curtains. Nets of wrinkles gathered at the corners of her eyes as she stretched her arms and legs out straight in a most gratifying pandiculation. Feeling more limber, she turned to her right to steal another cuddle from Vanessa, but her hand found only a cool mattress.

She rubbed some sleep from her eyes, drew the sheet up to cover her still naked chest and glanced towards the adjoining room door. It was still closed. Perhaps, Charity thought, Vanessa was tending to the boys who had already woken.

Charity enjoyed one last stretch before finding her top which had slid onto the floor last night while she and Vanessa were getting reacquainted with each other. She made her way over to the door and quietly opened it to find a still-sleeping Moses and Johnny, but no Vanessa.

Confirming that the bathroom door was wide open and empty, Charity announced to her audience of none, "Ran out on me again. Oh well, at least she's consistent."

At that very moment, Charity's cell, which sat on the night stand by the unslept-in bed, vibrated to signal an incoming text message. It was Vanessa.

_Woke up very early. Couldn't fall back asleep._  
_Decided to watch the sunrise from the rooftop lounge.  
It was glorious._

Charity breathed a sigh of relief knowing Vanessa's whereabouts. Her relief turned into delight with Vanessa's next text.

_Almost as magnificent as last night, but not quite. __❤️_

Charity pressed her lips together trying to hold back how she pleased she was with herself.

_When you get this, bring the boys up here and I'll treat us all to a fry-up._

Pausing to take it all in, Charity thought of all she had to be grateful for at this moment. Her patience with her fiancée was requited with a wonderful night of intimacy, their boys were sleeping soundly in the room next door, and the promise of a hearty meal with her family awaited. Before Vanessa's injury, Charity had begun to take these moments of contented normalcy for granted. Not anymore.

Opening the door much more noisily this time, Charity burst into the kid's room exclaiming, "Up and at 'em boys! Your beans on toast await!"

The boys were quick to get dressed once they heard a ride in the lift to the top floor was in order. When they entered the terrace, they found Vanessa sitting at a small table near the railing. The boys asked to sit on the brightly colored cuddle chair nearby so they could play with Buddha and Timothy while they waited on their breakfast.

After the boys were settled, orders were placed, and cups were filled with coffee, Charity asked, "Did you get any sleep?"

"Oh, I'd say I got the best sleep I've had since being put under at the hospital. _Quality_ of sleep wasn't the problem. _Quantity_ was just cut short is all."

"Sorry about that; curtains weren't closed all the way, so the light made its way in."

"It wasn't that. I was up at sparrows fart with anticipation but, well, I guess I'll just have to get used to the disappointment."

Charity was taken aback by this as she had been expecting to find Vanessa pleased with the prior night's activity; or at the very least, content.

Her gaze narrowed. "Babe, not twenty minutes ago you texted me saying last night was magnificent. So, what's happened between now and then to make you change your mind?"

Vanessa laughed, "Charity, no, you've got the wrong end of the stick. I'm more than pleased about last night's… " Vanessa looked over at the boys playing to make sure they weren't listening, "…developments, shall we say? What I meant is that this morning was like every other morning in that I woke up thinking I'll magically have remembered everything. Maybe because last night _was_ so amazing, I thought something might have jolted itself back into my conscious mind."

"Oooh. I see. Well, I am sorry about that. But, on the bright side, even if I couldn't coax any memories out of your brain, I did a pretty bang-up job coaxing a few other things out of you. Am I right?" Charity said with a self-satisfied smirk.

Vanessa couldn't help but chuckle. "I suppose you're gonna tell me I find your smugness endearing, right?"

"C'mon Vanessa, don't pretend you don't love it."

Shaking her head, Vanessa admits to herself Charity isn't wrong. Even at this moment, Vanessa finds her irresistible.

"Listen, at the risk of increasing your already over-inflated ego, I'm thinking I'd like to move back into the pub."

Charity is pulled out of her own conceit and perks up. "Are you sure? I mean, nothing would make me happier. I just, I don't want you to feel pressured or rush it."

"Believe it or not, I think living with you will be better for me. Tracy is great but she is so focused on trying to trigger my memory. Every other sentence starts with 'Do you remember when we did this?' or 'Do you remember when we did that?'. She means well, but I get physically ill every time she does it. I hate hearing about things I should know but don't."

Vanessa continued, "You don't make me feel that way. You're not obsessed with the fact that I can't remember things. You don't make me feel like I've let you down if I can't remember. Does that make any sense at all?"

"I think so. But don't give me too much credit. I do want you to get your memory back." Charity began to play with a sugar stick and became more emotional. "My biggest fear is that you won't, and if you don't, and I can't get you to fall in love with me again, you'll walk out of my life."

"Charity, after everything I've learned about you, and you _and_ me together, and after the lovely way you've been with me since I got out of the hospital, I can't imagine that _anyone_ who really knows you will ever want to lose you from their life."

Charity's jaw dropped open and her eyes forgot how to blink for a moment. "Thank you Vanessa. I…, you…" Charity stumbled over her words, not sure what to say.

"What is it? Have I upset you?"

"No. No, you're just amazing is all."

"Well, I do think living together is for the best. Besides, you really only know someone by living with them. All their weird little quirks and gross habits."

Charity turned her head askew looking at Vanessa in wonder.

"You're giving me that look again. Did I say something off?" asked Vanessa.

Charity placed her hands on the table to steady her amazement. "No babe. Just, I'm having a déjà vu moment."

Realizing that Vanessa was the best kind of predictable, Charity regained her composure. "I'm chuffed that you want to come back. And if you still want a little space I can sleep on the couch or in…"

Vanessa interrupted before she could finish. "I don't want that. I'm sorry if last night I didn't, you know, reciprocate."

"I just wanted to hold you last night and everything else was just icing on the cake."

"The thing is, I liked the way you, um, iced my cake and I intended to, you know…" Vanessa looked over again at the boys who were still immersed in playing with their dinosaurs, "… um, butter your muffins."

"Babe, I don't think that means what you think it means. Maybe just get to the point?"

"Right. I mean to say that the blood kind of rushed down there but it also rushed up here," she said shyly pointing to her head. "My headache came back and then I just got genuinely knackered all of a sudden. But my doctor said that there is new research that shows starting aerobic exercise sooner rather than later after a concussion makes for a faster recovery." Then, in a whisper, Vanessa added, "I think we just need to maybe stay more vertical for a while."

"Vertical. Yes!" Charity began nodding her head profusely. "I can do vertical, perpendicular, you know, all of your favorite positions and angles. Whatever it takes."

"I'll just spend one last night with Tracy tonight and bring my stuff back to yours…"

"Ours! Ours Vanessa."

"Right, ours, tomorrow night."

Charity giggled and took a sip of her coffee while Vanessa simply smirked at her fiancée and once again roommate.

The next day, Vanessa decided that taking inventory at the surgery would be a good way to distract herself from the anticipation of moving back to the pub. She had already reviewed most of the diagnostic instruments and had moved on to the medical gas supplies. The oxygen tanks were accounted for and as she moved to the nitrous oxide supply, she noticed one of the couplers needed tightening. As she worked to reattach it, she started sniffing the air which strangely smelled of ale. She paused to see if the odor would pass but it only grew stronger.

_Great, _she thought,_ maybe this is what it's going to smell like all the time once I move back into the pub._

Vanessa forged on and turned her attention to reattaching the coupler which made a banging noise as she set it upon the tank and in a flash, another surge of pain pierced through Vanessa's head as she was transported to the cellar of the pub and had a vision.

_Charity hunched over a keg before her, attaching a coupler to the keg._  
_ Then, Charity rising up and an exchange of words. The memory is fuzzy_  
_ and disordered. Vanessa can hear herself screaming for help. The lock is_  
_broken. More words exchanged about the short list of people who won't_  
_ bother looking for them. Whiskey. Boredom. Chit chat. Insults. _  
_ "Daz. Ugh. Not hot."_

And just like that, Vanessa snapped out of it and the pain receded, but it left Vanessa breathless.

"No, no, no, NO! I think I was just getting to the good part."

Vanessa stood in the surgery among the equipment and animals with the coupler still in her hand. She held the cool metal and plastic in her hands and stared at it. One of the snakes boarding in a cage hissed.

Vanessa turned to the snake and determined he would make-do as a confidante absent any humans being present.

"If we needed to get out of the locked cellar, why didn't Charity just unplug _**all**_ the kegs. Surely, once all the taps ran dry, they'd've come looking for us? How drunk was I not to come up with that back then? Charity wasn't drunk at that point, was she? I don't think so. Not that you would know, no offense, but you're just a snake."

Again, a surge of pain ran through Vanessa's head, this time causing her to drop the coupler onto a tray of surgical instruments which all came crashing down to the ground with a cacophony of sound like metal rain falling on concrete.

Something triggered in her brain. The gears started spinning and sparked a shock of electricity between two exiled neurons. With great intensity, every memory she had lost flooded back into her brain.

_Each milestone with Johnny; Tracy ripping the head off of the cardboard_  
_ cutout of David; Charity turning on her during a water pistol fight and_  
_ drenching her in water; Charity turning her over in bed and drenching _  
_ her in a trail of kisses straight down to her…_

"Sweet Jesus!" Vanessa shouted as the surge of memories brought her to her knees and again, in an instant, the pain dissipated but the flood of memories became focused on one singular moment as clear as a fogless morning on the River Ouse. Again, she was transported back, only this time, not to another place, but simply to another time in the same place where she now knelt.

_Vanessa sat on the floor. Talking to a snake. Lamenting over the_  
_ prospect of being struck off. Charity, stood in the doorway, having_  
_ a laugh at her expense._

"_Just do yourself a favor, abandon ship before I bring you down _  
_ as well."_

"_Well maybe you're wrong. OK, yeah, I'll admit I like a giggle. But_  
_trust me babe, you talking to a snake, that more than ticks the box._  
_And I'm not going anywhere…."_

_"… Close your eyes."_

_"Oh Charity!"_

_ "Please just close your eyes…. There, now if that doesn't float_  
_ Martin's boat, nothing will."_

**Download Complete.**

Vanessa raised her fingers to her upper lip. "Oh my God. Oh my God." Vanessa was breathing heavy and became giddy with excitement. She was suddenly full of energy with her memories fully restored.

"Charity." Gleefully, "I've got to get to Charity."

She ran out of the surgery leaving the mess behind, barely taking the time to lock the main door as she hastily made her way towards the pub.

Vanessa burst into the Woolpack and found Matty taking a drink order at a table and no one behind the bar. She ran straight through the passageway to the living quarters and found Charity nursing a brew at the kitchen table while reading a magazine.

"Babe, I wasn't expecting you till a bit later. You look flushed."

"I've got to find my book. It's upstairs, I know it is." Vanessa flew through the living room and started up the staircase without stopping to explain herself.

Charity jumped up, gave chase and shouted to the backside of her fiancée, "Vanessa! I'm glad you're making yourself at home again, but could you slow down? Blimey! What is going on?"

When Charity caught up to her, Vanessa was in their bedroom rifling through her nightstand drawers. "Babe, what's wrong? What are you doing? What are you looking for?"

Vanessa just kept murmuring to herself, "It's here somewhere, it's got to be."

"What?! What is here?" Charity approached Vanessa, turned her around, held onto her arms and insisted, "Babe, calm down and tell me what you are looking for."

"Me book. I was reading a book before the accident. I kept it on my nightstand, but it's gone. Where is it?"

"OK, yeah. _The Miniaturist_. You were almost done reading it. Enjoyed it I believe though it gave you quite the sweet tooth. I put it in your top dresser drawer when I dusted."

Breaking free from Charity's hold, Vanessa stepped to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Sure enough, there was the book she had been looking for.

She pulled her bookmark out and held it up in front of Charity. It was the fake moustache that Charity had placed on Vanessa's face to make her laugh many months ago. The adhesive had dried out and the edges had started to wear, but that moustache was one of Vanessa's most treasured keepsakes, unbeknownst to Charity. With her grin spreading from her lips to her eyes, she declared, "It's real. It's all real."

"What? That we really need to get you a sturdier bookmark? Agreed."

"Charity, don't you get it? I remember!"

"You remembered you were reading that book? That's… great. Kind of a trivial thing to recall but you never know, could lead to more significant things."

Vanessa reached up to hold Charity by her arms now. "Aw, you lovely, deranged, emotionally deficient, sexy-as-hell beauty. Listen to me.  
I. Remember. Everything."

Charity's forehead creased with concern. "How's that now?"

"Something happened while I was working in the surgery. I'm not sure what but for a minute it felt like an explosion went off inside my head and everything just started flooding back in. At first, I thought maybe it wasn't real because a lot of it was fuzzy and things were really out of order but then I started explaining summat to Snake Gyllenhaal and…"

"To who?!"

"Snake Gyllenhall, Mr. Pemberton's Royal Python."

"Of course."

"Yeah, I was chatting to Snake and it all just came rushing back."

"Everything?"

"Everything. I remember putting a band-aid on Moz's finger when he jumped off the swings and got a cut; I remember that Pineapple and Chili Punch I drank when we were on vacation, _disgusting_; I remember you chucking my lasagna in the bin when Ryan and Noah were late for tea, _rude_."

"Sorry about that."

"Bygones. I remember the first time you kissed me in the cellar and feeling like someone had plugged me in for the first time in my life."

"Awww, Ness."

"I remember how much you like it when I lift your leg across your hip and put my fingers up…"

"OK Vanessa! Alright, alright, I've got it. Memory restored."

"I haven't gotten to the best bit though."

"What's that?"

"When I was about to be struck off, I remember you coming to me at the surgery and cheering me up with this moustache and letting me know you wanted to stick around. You still wanted us to be together, and you were in it for the long haul, no matter what. For the first time, I saw that maybe I was a little more than just a bit of fun for you. I will _never_ forget that moment because _that_ moment was when I knew for sure I'd fallen in love with you."

"Babe. You've never actually told me that."

"I know I haven't. And I know that I knew that I hadn't ever told you that. Isn't it great? I just feel like myself all of a sudden. And I'm not scared anymore like I was. I feel like this cloud that's been following me around has finally lifted. I feel great! And you don't have to make me fall in love with you all over again, 'cause I remember falling in love with you the first time and most importantly, I remember how much I _still_ love you, completely and stupidly."

"I love you completely and stupidly too. But how about just for verification purposes, you show me that leg over my hip thing you do with your fingers?"

"Mind always in the gutter, just where I like it."

"Like it? You love it babe."

"You know I do."

\- The End -


End file.
